In the previous post "The Wedding" I said Ashley was starting to feel like Precious. Well she has never actually said that to me, but I know she is. I mean everybody would be feeling like a gigantic whale if they were pregnant, she has never had a belly and now it sticks out more than a white guy in an NBA game. So to make her feel better about the discomfort of her growing food catcher, I make her laugh about it. I always make jokes in reference to her belly, which she finds funny, as long as it isn't in front of anyone or on my blog. So let's just say she wasn't very happy about the Precious comment, but it was funny! I tell her she isn't fat it's just her maternal storage tissue.
I play beach volleyball on Thursday nights. The season just started and the first week we are put on the courts right behind the coed doubles teams. Now if you don't know volleyball, you don't understand what the problem is. I play 4 person coed which is more of a we-are-good-and-have-played-for-years-but-we-need-four-people-to-cover-the-court league. Now any type of doubles league involves very good players, and in volleyball if you are a very good player who is female you wear very little clothing to keep yourself cool. So the whole time I am playing, my backdrop are these girls with long legs and flat stomachs in little clothing, so Ashley can't help but see them. After my first game Ashley looks at me and says, "Do you think I will ever get back to my pre-pregnancy body." Now here is what makes me, me. I don't tell those white lies that most men do, I keep it real. Unfortunately my "keeping it real" moments end up like David Chappelle's skits of "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong." So I look at Ashley and say, "Babe that is all up to you, the weight isn't just going to go away. You are going to have to work and it's going to take some time. But if you are asking me this question because of those girls on the other court, I'm sorry babe but you will never have a body like that." And this is when I open mouth and insert foot.
Tip #25: Keep your opinions to yourself and your foot out of your mouth.
And this is when I realized I had my headphones on but was singing out loud on my journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Teams: June 15th, 2011
There will be a huge fight between Ashley and I when Kherington gets older because there is only one sports team that we agree on, and that is the St. Louis Cardinals. In college basketball and the NFL we completely disagree. I of course love every sport, and Ashley loves certain sports, it is one of the reasons we love each other so much. We use sports in our lives all the time. I told Ashley if we were having a boy I was going to paint the room burgundy and gold for the Redskins, and we already decided that our wedding colors are going to be royal blue because that is Duke and Kansas University's colors. We have no problem with disagreeing on sports teams, we end up rooting for the other's team as long as they aren't playing each other, but Kherington can't grow up liking and rooting for two teams. We can't cause her that much confusion at such a young age, if she is confused about her favorite team, whose to say she won't be confused about other things in life, and I am NOT having that!
She will definitely be a St. Louis Cardinals fan because Ashley didn't even like baseball until we went to a couple of Cardinals games last year, and now she is a fan. I already bought her a "Mommy's future Cardinals fan" t-shirt. I tried to buy a couple Redskins and Duke one's as well but she told me it would be a waste of money because she wouldn't wear them. How unfair is that? It is my baby too!
So Ashley and I will need to make an agreement with the other two sports. Of course I am sure my reader's are saying, "Just let Kherington decide." my answer to that is, "Hell NO!" Kids like winners, and if we give Kherington the decision to choose who she wants instead of raising her towards a certain team, she is going to end up liking whoever wins the Super Bowl and NCAA Tournament the year she can first remember. For example this year she would be either a Green Bay Packers or Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I can't live with my child constantly wearing green and yellow or black and gold, and God for bid the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl in a couple of years because she will have to be put up for adoption then! The same goes for college basketball, this year Connecticut and Butler made it to the championship, no and no. And again, God for bid the North Carolina Tar Heels make it to the championship because she would again be put up for adoption. Which she probably will end up liking them anyways because she is a girl and they have a girly color, baby blue, so she will think it's pretty and will ask for a UNC t-shirt one Christmas and she won't get anything but a bag of coal and I will tell her Santa Clause doesn't like UNC and she will never get presents from him again if she continues to like them.
Tip #24: If your biggest worry about your child growing up is who her favorite sports team will be, then you got it good!
And this is when I started to worry about what city I was flying over on my journey to, destination... dad.
She will definitely be a St. Louis Cardinals fan because Ashley didn't even like baseball until we went to a couple of Cardinals games last year, and now she is a fan. I already bought her a "Mommy's future Cardinals fan" t-shirt. I tried to buy a couple Redskins and Duke one's as well but she told me it would be a waste of money because she wouldn't wear them. How unfair is that? It is my baby too!
So Ashley and I will need to make an agreement with the other two sports. Of course I am sure my reader's are saying, "Just let Kherington decide." my answer to that is, "Hell NO!" Kids like winners, and if we give Kherington the decision to choose who she wants instead of raising her towards a certain team, she is going to end up liking whoever wins the Super Bowl and NCAA Tournament the year she can first remember. For example this year she would be either a Green Bay Packers or Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I can't live with my child constantly wearing green and yellow or black and gold, and God for bid the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl in a couple of years because she will have to be put up for adoption then! The same goes for college basketball, this year Connecticut and Butler made it to the championship, no and no. And again, God for bid the North Carolina Tar Heels make it to the championship because she would again be put up for adoption. Which she probably will end up liking them anyways because she is a girl and they have a girly color, baby blue, so she will think it's pretty and will ask for a UNC t-shirt one Christmas and she won't get anything but a bag of coal and I will tell her Santa Clause doesn't like UNC and she will never get presents from him again if she continues to like them.
Tip #24: If your biggest worry about your child growing up is who her favorite sports team will be, then you got it good!
And this is when I started to worry about what city I was flying over on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Kick: June 9th, 2011
Ashley always tells me, "She's moving!" But she isn't strong enough for me to feel her moving. So whenever Ashley tells me, I ignore her because it is like she is rubbing it in. But tonight she told me to come try and feel her because she was moving a lot, so I figured why not it'll make her happy. So I am sitting there with my hand on her stomach and she is pressing my hand down hard on her stomach to try and make me feel her. I'm sitting there watching TV when all of a sudden I feel a little something. I can't even explain it because it was so small and soft but I felt it. I felt my baby girl give me a high five!
Tip #23: Greatest feeling ever!
And this is when I first felt the reason why I am on this journey to, destination... dad.
Tip #23: Greatest feeling ever!
And this is when I first felt the reason why I am on this journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Dog: June 7th, 2011
Ashley's emotions have been all over the place like Kherington's food will be one day. She has cried over this and she has cried over that, hell she's even cried over nothing! So how would she react if something devastating were to happen, something that she is supposed to cry about? I don't know and hopefully I will never find out, but this night I came very, very, close to Ashley having the biggest breakdown of her life, and in the end it probably would have cost me a lot of money.
Ashley and I were on the way to my softball games on this lovely Tuesday afternoon. I was driving down Lynnhaven Parkway when all of a sudden I had to lock up my brakes while going 45 mph because a little black dog ran out into the street. I didn't hit the dog, but it got me thinking. What if I did? Do you know the repercussions I would have to face from this hormonal pregnant fiance of mine? Well let me tell you exactly what would have happened had I hit and killed this dog.
The truck would have come to a stop and I would have jumped out of the car to try and help this poor dog. Meanwhile, Ashley would have remained sitting in the car with her hands covering her eyes and doing her best impression of Dorothy's "There's no place like home." scene from The Wizard of Oz. Now to make a long story short, the dog went to heaven, because that's where all dogs go (duh) and after I do whatever I have to do about the dog (not important) I get back in the truck. After I get in the truck Ashley would still have her hands covering her face and she would have a huge puddle of tears in her lap. I would try to talk to her but she wouldn't say a word to me. So instead of going to my games I would take her home since she needs some comforting. When we get home she would go straight upstairs and lay in bed with her face in the pillow as if she was 16 again and just got dumped. Now remember, she doesn't know this dog, she couldn't even tell you the breed, but she is so sad that he or she is now gone from this world. So sad in fact that it is now affecting her life. She would lay in bed for days, she would miss work, and she still wouldn't be speaking to me, because in her eyes I am now the "Doggy Killer." Because she is acting the way she is, and not talking to me, she would start to make me feel guilty about hitting this dog. I would have to find someway for me to make her happy again and forget about the dog we don't even know the name of. And the only way I know how to do that is to get her another puppy. Now how this works I don't know. Because it's not like I created a brand new puppy using the ashes of the old one, and I'm not resurrecting the dog in any way. Whether we have a new puppy or not, that dog is still dead, but not in the eyes of this hormonal train wreck I call my fiance.
But what really happened? I stopped in time, the dog ran out of the street without getting hit, Ashley saw the kids that were chasing the dog, and proceeded to yell out the window at them, "If you don't run after him, he won't run from you! Dumb kids!"
Tip #22: Travel everywhere using a segway. Your not going to hurt any animals with that, only your reputation.
And this is when I started to think about the what ifs on my journey to, destination... dad.
Ashley and I were on the way to my softball games on this lovely Tuesday afternoon. I was driving down Lynnhaven Parkway when all of a sudden I had to lock up my brakes while going 45 mph because a little black dog ran out into the street. I didn't hit the dog, but it got me thinking. What if I did? Do you know the repercussions I would have to face from this hormonal pregnant fiance of mine? Well let me tell you exactly what would have happened had I hit and killed this dog.
The truck would have come to a stop and I would have jumped out of the car to try and help this poor dog. Meanwhile, Ashley would have remained sitting in the car with her hands covering her eyes and doing her best impression of Dorothy's "There's no place like home." scene from The Wizard of Oz. Now to make a long story short, the dog went to heaven, because that's where all dogs go (duh) and after I do whatever I have to do about the dog (not important) I get back in the truck. After I get in the truck Ashley would still have her hands covering her face and she would have a huge puddle of tears in her lap. I would try to talk to her but she wouldn't say a word to me. So instead of going to my games I would take her home since she needs some comforting. When we get home she would go straight upstairs and lay in bed with her face in the pillow as if she was 16 again and just got dumped. Now remember, she doesn't know this dog, she couldn't even tell you the breed, but she is so sad that he or she is now gone from this world. So sad in fact that it is now affecting her life. She would lay in bed for days, she would miss work, and she still wouldn't be speaking to me, because in her eyes I am now the "Doggy Killer." Because she is acting the way she is, and not talking to me, she would start to make me feel guilty about hitting this dog. I would have to find someway for me to make her happy again and forget about the dog we don't even know the name of. And the only way I know how to do that is to get her another puppy. Now how this works I don't know. Because it's not like I created a brand new puppy using the ashes of the old one, and I'm not resurrecting the dog in any way. Whether we have a new puppy or not, that dog is still dead, but not in the eyes of this hormonal train wreck I call my fiance.
But what really happened? I stopped in time, the dog ran out of the street without getting hit, Ashley saw the kids that were chasing the dog, and proceeded to yell out the window at them, "If you don't run after him, he won't run from you! Dumb kids!"
Tip #22: Travel everywhere using a segway. Your not going to hurt any animals with that, only your reputation.
And this is when I started to think about the what ifs on my journey to, destination... dad.
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