The Pounds: June 21st, 2011

In the previous post "The Wedding" I said Ashley was starting to feel like Precious. Well she has never actually said that to me, but I know she is. I mean everybody would be feeling like a gigantic whale if they were pregnant, she has never had a belly and now it sticks out more than a white guy in an NBA game. So to make her feel better about the discomfort of her growing food catcher, I make her laugh about it. I always make jokes in reference to her belly, which she finds funny, as long as it isn't in front of anyone or on my blog. So let's just say she wasn't very happy about the Precious comment, but it was funny! I tell her she isn't fat it's just her maternal storage tissue.

I play beach volleyball on Thursday nights. The season just started and the first week we are put on the courts right behind the coed doubles teams. Now if you don't know volleyball, you don't understand what the problem is. I play 4 person coed which is more of a we-are-good-and-have-played-for-years-but-we-need-four-people-to-cover-the-court league. Now any type of doubles league involves very good players, and in volleyball if you are a very good player who is female you wear very little clothing to keep yourself cool. So the whole time I am playing, my backdrop are these girls with long legs and flat stomachs in little clothing, so Ashley can't help but see them. After my first game Ashley looks at me and says, "Do you think I will ever get back to my pre-pregnancy body." Now here is what makes me, me. I don't tell those white lies that most men do, I keep it real. Unfortunately my "keeping it real" moments end up like David Chappelle's skits of "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong." So I look at Ashley and say, "Babe that is all up to you, the weight isn't just going to go away. You are going to have to work and it's going to take some time. But if you are asking me this question because of those girls on the other court, I'm sorry babe but you will never have a body like that." And this is when I open mouth and insert foot.

Tip #25: Keep your opinions to yourself and your foot out of your mouth.

And this is when I realized I had my headphones on but was singing out loud on my journey to, destination... dad.