People tell Ashley and I that we both take the role of the opposite sex. When people ask us what do we want to have, Ashley says a boy and I say a girl. So traditionally when the question "what name do we give our child" comes up, stereotypically Ashley should have said, "Well ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to name my son/daughter..." followed by a name. However, in this situation I was the one who said, "Well I have always wanted to name my daughter..."
In 2008, when I still lived at home, my mom used to always watch the reality competition So You Think You Can Dance. I always watched it with her because there were hot girls in little clothing. One year there was a (hot) girl on the show who's name I liked and ever since then I told my mom that I was one day going to name my daughter that.
So when Ashley and I were trying to decide on names I told her about the name I wanted to name my daughter. She liked the name and agreed, and I told her that I would like to name our son after me making him the III and we will call him 'Trey'. Ashley didn't like that idea, so to be fair to her I told her that she could decide on the name for our son. She then asked, "Well what about the middle names." I told her that she could pick the middle name for the girl and I will pick the middle name for the boy. That way we both have an input on both names. Well it didn't work out that way, she ended up picking both names for the boy and I ended up picking both names for the girl. So the verdict is...
Boy: Ethan Eli
Girl: Kherington Marie
Ethan Eli - Ashley picked these names for no reason, she just liked them. She decided to go with the letter 'E' for both names because my last name also starts with an 'E' so that way I can still call him Trey if I wanted too. However, when I hear the name Ethan I think about the creepy "Others" guy from Lost who infiltrated the survivors camp, kidnapped Claire and ran test on her baby. Then when I hear the name Eli I think of the only NFL quarterback that I could beat in an arm wrestling match.
Kherington Marie - As stated before the girl I got this name from, Kherington Payne, was on SYTYCD starred in the Fame remake. I like uncommon names but not I'll-never-ever-get-a-real-job-with-this-name names. I decided to give her the middle name Marie because it is currently Ashley's middle name but I told Ashley to make her middle name her maiden name and get rid of her middle name when we get married.
Tip #8: Never relate a name to someone you know or have seen on TV, because all you will do is think that your son is going to grow up to be a weak armed kidnapping baby tester.
And this is when I found out the possible name of my where my journey will end to, destination... dad.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Moods: February 23rd, 2011
No article, no advice, no one, could have prepared me for the mood swings that I have gone through in the past two months. In a matter of a second my house goes from Pleasantville to Pearl Harbor. The other day Ashley asks me to do the dishes and I said I would before I went to bed, mind you the basketball game was on. She falls asleep on the couch as I am watching the end of the basketball game, I wake her up to go upstairs to bed, forgetting all about the dishes. The next morning Kamikaze planes were crashing into my living room. Ashley is going ballistic, her mouth is like the machine gun on the Kamikaze plane and instead of just committing suicide and crashing into me she decides to shoot me with a thousand bullets first, making sure I feel the wrath.
Now Ashley knows what she signed up for, she knows I have been diagnosed by my father with CRS (Can't Remember Shit). I have to write my name on my hand before going to bed so I can remember it the next morning, not really, but you get the point. There have been plenty of instances before where I forgot to do the dishes, but none were more important to her than this night. These were special dishes, these were the Taj Mahal of dishes. She acted as if I didn't clean those dishes that night then mold was going to grow on them, she would then breathe in this moldy air as she was asleep and our baby would come out looking like the people from The Hills Have Eyes.
Tip #7: No matter how bad you want to shout at her the line, "F*** you hormones" from Knocked Up... don't.
And this is when I started to take on enemy aircraft on my journey to, destination... dad.
Now Ashley knows what she signed up for, she knows I have been diagnosed by my father with CRS (Can't Remember Shit). I have to write my name on my hand before going to bed so I can remember it the next morning, not really, but you get the point. There have been plenty of instances before where I forgot to do the dishes, but none were more important to her than this night. These were special dishes, these were the Taj Mahal of dishes. She acted as if I didn't clean those dishes that night then mold was going to grow on them, she would then breathe in this moldy air as she was asleep and our baby would come out looking like the people from The Hills Have Eyes.
Tip #7: No matter how bad you want to shout at her the line, "F*** you hormones" from Knocked Up... don't.
And this is when I started to take on enemy aircraft on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Boobs: February 17th, 2011
Every man loves boobs, we are infatuated with them from when we are born because it is our food source to when we become an adult because we still use them to satisy a certain hunger. Every male knows at least one thing about women when they get pregnant, their boobs get bigger. But what most of those men do not know is that the boobs are off limits.
Almost immediately I began to notice Ashley's boobs getting bigger, maybe they were just bigger in my head because I had anticipated the growth spurt, but either way I could see them growing. I've never really been a boob guy, I am more of an butt and legs kind of guy, but no fat kid is going to complain about a piece of cake with double layered icing on it!
But what if you were told you could have the cake but you couldn't eat it, you couldn't enjoy it, the only thing you could do was look at it?
Luckily, for me, Ashley got an invite from a friend to a "Tupperware Party." Now for those of you that do not know what I am talking about, a "Tupperware Party" is a girl only party where they have a representative come over with many big briefcases and show off the latest, umm, "fun toys." Now it doesn't matter if anything was bought, the fact of the matter is that after this party I got my cake with double layered icing, and I enjoyed every bit of it!
Tip #6: Tell the mother of your child that she seems stressed and she needs to relax and have fun. Tell her to schedule a "Tupperware Party" with the girls. If she doesn't know what a "Tupperware Party" is, schedule one for her.
And this is when I found out that I was flying over a very dry ocean on my journey to, destination... dad.
Almost immediately I began to notice Ashley's boobs getting bigger, maybe they were just bigger in my head because I had anticipated the growth spurt, but either way I could see them growing. I've never really been a boob guy, I am more of an butt and legs kind of guy, but no fat kid is going to complain about a piece of cake with double layered icing on it!
But what if you were told you could have the cake but you couldn't eat it, you couldn't enjoy it, the only thing you could do was look at it?
Luckily, for me, Ashley got an invite from a friend to a "Tupperware Party." Now for those of you that do not know what I am talking about, a "Tupperware Party" is a girl only party where they have a representative come over with many big briefcases and show off the latest, umm, "fun toys." Now it doesn't matter if anything was bought, the fact of the matter is that after this party I got my cake with double layered icing, and I enjoyed every bit of it!
Tip #6: Tell the mother of your child that she seems stressed and she needs to relax and have fun. Tell her to schedule a "Tupperware Party" with the girls. If she doesn't know what a "Tupperware Party" is, schedule one for her.
And this is when I found out that I was flying over a very dry ocean on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Internet: February 10th, 2011
After the visit with the OBGYN Ashley went crazy with researching different things online about pregnancy. It was like she had to wait for the doctor to officially tell her she was pregnant before she could act like a pregnant woman. So everyday, hell more like every hour, I was either being told or being text another fact about being pregnant and mostly what she couldn't eat. After listing off all of the foods she was basically left with bread and butter and sugar water. I told her if she wants to eat that all she needs to do is go to prison, that way we don't have to pay for it. Ashley said she couldn't eat lunch meat, cheese, mayonnaise, or sushi along with a bunch of other retarded foods. I told her I didn't believe all that crap and for her not to believe everything she reads online, but of course Ashley believed it. I told her I guarantee my grandma ate all of that food every night and her kids were fine. I wasn't going to use the my-mom-ate-all-that-food-when-she-was-pregnant-with-me example, because then she could then have had an argument. There are so many bullshit theories and myths now-a-days you can't do anything, everyone is always scared.
Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!
Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.
And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!
Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.
And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The OBGYN: February 7th, 2011
This was one of the most awkward moments of my life. Ashley asked me if I would go with her to the OBGYN, and of course me being the awesome man that I am I agreed. I couldn't even tell you what OBGYN stands for if I had a million guesses, I just know that this creepy guy in high school wanted to be one when he grew up, and he was caught looking at naked pregnant women in computer lab when he was supposed to be making a spreadsheet. I guess he had a different definition for the word spreadsheet. So now here I am visualizing the creepy guy from high school as Ashley's doctor. I had played this scenario out well over 100 times in my head and every time the creepy guy from high school walks in the room and shuts the door and after I recognize him we wake up in the bathroom from SAW. So needless to say I didn't sleep at all leading up to this appointment.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
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