The Internet: February 10th, 2011

After the visit with the OBGYN Ashley went crazy with researching different things online about pregnancy. It was like she had to wait for the doctor to officially tell her she was pregnant before she could act like a pregnant woman. So everyday, hell more like every hour, I was either being told or being text another fact about being pregnant and mostly what she couldn't eat. After listing off all of the foods she was basically left with bread and butter and sugar water. I told her if she wants to eat that all she needs to do is go to prison, that way we don't have to pay for it. Ashley said she couldn't eat lunch meat, cheese, mayonnaise, or sushi along with a bunch of other retarded foods. I told her I didn't believe all that crap and for her not to believe everything she reads online, but of course Ashley believed it. I told her I guarantee my grandma ate all of that food every night and her kids were fine. I wasn't going to use the my-mom-ate-all-that-food-when-she-was-pregnant-with-me example, because then she could then have had an argument. There are so many bullshit theories and myths now-a-days you can't do anything, everyone is always scared.

Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!

Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.

And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.