Ashley had a Zach Morris phone ever since we started dating, it was actually a touchscreen phone but compared to my iPhone it was classified as Saved by the Bell material. So one day Ashley asked me, "I wonder what kind of apps they have for pregnancy." Since Ashley's phone didn't know what an app was I assumed she was talking about my phone. So I typed in pregnancy and downloaded all of the free apps for her to test out before she picked the right one. She came across one that she really liked, it gave a daily informational reading for the mother and occasionally had one for the father. So I deleted all the other ones and kept this app for her. When I introduced Ashley to the 21st century and bought her an iPhone for her birthday, the first thing she did was download the pregnancy app that was on my phone. This way she didn't have to keep asking for my phone to read it. It worked out perfectly until one day she forwarded me one of the daily informational readings for the father that read:
"With your partner's body busy building the placenta - your baby's life support system until delivery day - she's exhausted. So beat her to the vacuuming and dusting and the laundry and the toilet cleaning. (The cleaning product fumes will make her feel sicker, anyway.) Encourage her to watch your cleanup routine from a fully reclining position on the sofa. She (and her feet) will be thanking you."
You have got to be kidding me! Let me break down this entire paragraph one sentence at a time in a guy's head. "With your partner's body busy building the placenta - your baby's life support system until delivery day - she's exhausted." I like how they explained what a placenta was and then made sure to play the sympathy card by pointing out that it is for the baby. So now you are really cleaning the house for the baby not for her. "So beat her to the vacuuming and dusting and the laundry and the toilet cleaning. (The cleaning fumes will make her feel sicker, anyway.)" First they say the word 'beat' because we all know that every man loves some sort of competition, so by making it sound like a game he will agree to do it, wrong. We have evolved from the caveman stage of evolution believe it or not. Then they again play the sympathy card by adding in that the cleaning fumes will make her sicker, planting in the guys head that now he may have to clean up vomit along with the decreased chance of him getting laid. "Encourage her to watch your cleanup routine from a fully reclining position on the sofa. She (and her feet) will be thanking you." They say 'encourage her' as if she would argue with you telling her you are going to clean the house. Then they throw in the 'and her feet' part to plant in your head that you will get out of giving a foot rub later that night if you clean the house. This crap had to be written by a woman!
Tip #10: Stay away from the pregnancy apps and blogs written by woman. All the information and forewarning you need is written here in this blog.
And this is when I found that there were no flight attendants to clean up after me on my journey to, destination... dad.
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