The Bellyband: March 19th, 2011

I always fear that whenever the season changes, whether I go from jeans to shorts or shorts to jeans, that they will not fit because I either gained or lost weight over the past season. Usually I never have to worry about losing enough weight for it to matter, but I can not imagine going through that crisis with the same pair of jeans that I just wore a couple weeks ago. However even though it is not happening to me, it is happening to me.

Ashley can't button any of her pants. The only thing she can wear is yoga pants. This puts a damper on everything because now she doesn't want to go anywhere because she has nothing to wear. When I come home from work on the weekends I find her laying on the bed with my basketball shorts on because nothing else will fit her. So now I am stuck in the house because she can't go out without wearing pants.

Thank God for my sister! She told Ashley she has a bellyband, which to me sounds like that belt you wear that jiggles your fat but it is supposed to be burning fat and toning your abs (I watch TV till the morning hours and get up to date on my infomercials). But it is actually a stretchy piece of fabric that goes over your stomach and the top of your pants so you don't have to button your pants but covers your zipper so you do not look like a pervert. Someone is making a lot of money off of this and I am currently in the works to create one for guys. Think about it.

"Is your wife yelling at you because you didn't try on your suit pants until an hour before her companies Christmas party? Now you don't have anything to wear? Don't worry, because that's what the Keg Cover is for! Don't worry about trying to squeeze into those pants that have shrunk over the past year. Order the Keg Cover and be comfortable all night with no worry about popping off that button if you eat too much. The Keg Cover is 100% polyester and is made to stretch. It can also double as a replacement for that tight under shirt you wear to try and minimize your over hang but at the same time won't increase your body's temperature like a full t-shirt does!"

Tip #11: You will get the sudden urge to become an entrepreneur when you have a child on the way. Because you are trying to think of a way to become a millionaire before the baby is born.

And this when I started to worry about how I am going to pay for the flight on my journey to, destination... dad.