After Kherington got cleaned up and had a couple of tests done, I was able to hold her for the first time. It seemed as if the entire world just stopped. I held her in my arms and just stared at her while she was cuddled up and asleep in her blanket. I just couldn't believe that this actually happened, I am now a father, officially! I created her!
Ashley was going to try and breast feed for the first time, so I decided I was going to go home take a shower and get some things. Upon my return Ashley had been moved into another, smaller, room and we were just waiting for them to bring Kherington back. A couple of my friends had arrived and we were just waiting in the room when the pediatrician came in and asked to speak with the family alone. My friends stepped out of the room, closing the door behind them. The pediatrician told us that while they were giving Kherington a bath they noticed she was turning blue. Upon further evaluation they found that Kherington wasn't getting the proper oxygen she needed. Adults require only 20% of the air they breathe in to be oxygen. The problem was Kherington was requiring that air to be 80% oxygen, which is impossible to obtain from our atmosphere. So basically she was slowly suffocating. During these tests they also found that she had blood in her lung, and found that she was in fact STILL bleeding into her lung. The doctor told us that they are preparing her for transport to Children's Hospital of the King's Daughter (CHKD) where she could get the proper care and monitoring.
After the doctor left the room I completely lost it. I was planning on holding my daughter all night long while watching the Cardinals play. I had my whole night planned out. Was going to spend as much time with her as I possibly could. I was going to enjoy OUR first Cardinals game together. But now my worry of the night goes from "will the Cardinals win and get into the playoffs" to "will Kherington survive and will I get to be a dad?"
I started asking Ashley, "Why? Why is this happening to us? What did we do wrong?! All the drug addicts and prostitutes that have healthy babies when they don't lead healthy lives and here we are, two parents ready to give this child the best life and all the love they could possibly ask for and we are the unfortunate ones?"
My friends are already at the hospital, and I called my parents immediately to tell them. Of course, at a time when I need my parents to lean on more than anything, there is a terrible thunderstorm and the streets are flooding. Making it take forever for them to get there. Guess God was testing my strength.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
The Tour: July 31, 2011
Before you go to the hospital for the birth of your child you are supposed to take a tour of the hospital. Why? I am not exactly sure and after our "tour" I still haven't figured out why.
We arrive at the hospital and are sitting in the lobby waiting for our tour guide to come get us. Well while we are sitting there two more couples come to the lobby to wait for the tour guide as well. One is a Mexican couple and we later find out that they don't speak any English because when the tour guide ask them what they are having the guy nods his head and says, "Si." The other couple, who just so happened to sit across from us in the lobby, decides she wants to try and talk to Ashley. The problem is she talks like she has rocks in her mouth and she was very hard to understand. I was reading a magazine at the time she spoke and I decided to bury my face into the magazine to stop from laughing. I'm not trying to be mean but do you know what it is like to try to talk to someone when you don't have the slightest clue as to what they are saying. If you don't just ask Ashley because she now knows what it's like.
The magazine I was reading was Popular Science and the article I was reading about is how we, humans, use good memories and thoughts to predict the future when making decisions. Meaning when we are faced with a decision in life we tend to think about what good has happened or what good can happen before deciding. We tend to block out the negative that we know or think could happen and weigh the positive much more than the negative, helping us make our decision. So we tend to think the positive prediction will be the result of our decision. So here I am sitting there reading this article and I started to think, maybe God is trying to give me a sign. When Ashley and I decided to try for a baby I was all for it. I helped raise my niece and have seen a child grow up, and it is an amazing and unforgettable journey. I remember when she first started to roll over, or crawl, or walk, talk, laugh, cry, show her personality, I remember everything! Or at least I thought I did. While reading this article it made me think about those years that my niece was growing up, and it made me think deeper, and then it hit me. When talking to Ashley about trying for a baby I was all for it because those things I just listed along with others is what all I thought about and those are the things that I wanted to cherish with a child of my own. I didn't think about the crying in the middle of the night, the temper tantrums, the crying for hours and you don't know why, the spills, the stains, the puke, or the poop along with many, many other things. I felt like God was talking to me throughout that article. But before I could get down on my knees and start talking to him, begging him for my child to have nothing but good memories, the tour guide arrived.
As we start to walk around the hotel with the tour guide she would ask a question to the group but Ashley and I were the only ones that responded. So from then on she just decided to talk to only us since we appeared to be the only normal couple in the group. I had asked Ashley if she signed us up for the handicap tour and then received a backhand to the chest. The tour guide took us to the delivery and post-partum room where I first checked out the TVs in each room. I calculated the size, looked at the wall mount and if it was on a swivel, checked out the lighting in the room, and decided where I would be sitting to get the best viewing experience. I then leaned over and asked Ashley, "Do you think they have NFL Sunday Ticket here?" and again received another backhand to the chest. How could you blame me? Ashley's due date is on a Sunday, one month into the football season, I can't miss my fantasy players games that day!
So after the completion of the tour we got to see every room that Ashley and Kherington will be in along with instructions and directions around the hospital. Now do they really think I or any other man will be able to remember all the things they just told us? Do you understand how big this hospital is? Every hallway and door looks the same, it's like she was giving birth inside one of those carnival fun houses with all the mirrors. Just tell me what to do and where to go when I get there. Thanks.
Tip #31: Be the guy who brings a notepad and paper to the tour. I really wish I did.
And this is when I realized that right before my plane is scheduled to land, all hell is going to break loose on my journey to, destination... dad.
We arrive at the hospital and are sitting in the lobby waiting for our tour guide to come get us. Well while we are sitting there two more couples come to the lobby to wait for the tour guide as well. One is a Mexican couple and we later find out that they don't speak any English because when the tour guide ask them what they are having the guy nods his head and says, "Si." The other couple, who just so happened to sit across from us in the lobby, decides she wants to try and talk to Ashley. The problem is she talks like she has rocks in her mouth and she was very hard to understand. I was reading a magazine at the time she spoke and I decided to bury my face into the magazine to stop from laughing. I'm not trying to be mean but do you know what it is like to try to talk to someone when you don't have the slightest clue as to what they are saying. If you don't just ask Ashley because she now knows what it's like.
The magazine I was reading was Popular Science and the article I was reading about is how we, humans, use good memories and thoughts to predict the future when making decisions. Meaning when we are faced with a decision in life we tend to think about what good has happened or what good can happen before deciding. We tend to block out the negative that we know or think could happen and weigh the positive much more than the negative, helping us make our decision. So we tend to think the positive prediction will be the result of our decision. So here I am sitting there reading this article and I started to think, maybe God is trying to give me a sign. When Ashley and I decided to try for a baby I was all for it. I helped raise my niece and have seen a child grow up, and it is an amazing and unforgettable journey. I remember when she first started to roll over, or crawl, or walk, talk, laugh, cry, show her personality, I remember everything! Or at least I thought I did. While reading this article it made me think about those years that my niece was growing up, and it made me think deeper, and then it hit me. When talking to Ashley about trying for a baby I was all for it because those things I just listed along with others is what all I thought about and those are the things that I wanted to cherish with a child of my own. I didn't think about the crying in the middle of the night, the temper tantrums, the crying for hours and you don't know why, the spills, the stains, the puke, or the poop along with many, many other things. I felt like God was talking to me throughout that article. But before I could get down on my knees and start talking to him, begging him for my child to have nothing but good memories, the tour guide arrived.
As we start to walk around the hotel with the tour guide she would ask a question to the group but Ashley and I were the only ones that responded. So from then on she just decided to talk to only us since we appeared to be the only normal couple in the group. I had asked Ashley if she signed us up for the handicap tour and then received a backhand to the chest. The tour guide took us to the delivery and post-partum room where I first checked out the TVs in each room. I calculated the size, looked at the wall mount and if it was on a swivel, checked out the lighting in the room, and decided where I would be sitting to get the best viewing experience. I then leaned over and asked Ashley, "Do you think they have NFL Sunday Ticket here?" and again received another backhand to the chest. How could you blame me? Ashley's due date is on a Sunday, one month into the football season, I can't miss my fantasy players games that day!
So after the completion of the tour we got to see every room that Ashley and Kherington will be in along with instructions and directions around the hospital. Now do they really think I or any other man will be able to remember all the things they just told us? Do you understand how big this hospital is? Every hallway and door looks the same, it's like she was giving birth inside one of those carnival fun houses with all the mirrors. Just tell me what to do and where to go when I get there. Thanks.
Tip #31: Be the guy who brings a notepad and paper to the tour. I really wish I did.
And this is when I realized that right before my plane is scheduled to land, all hell is going to break loose on my journey to, destination... dad.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The OBGYN: February 7th, 2011
This was one of the most awkward moments of my life. Ashley asked me if I would go with her to the OBGYN, and of course me being the awesome man that I am I agreed. I couldn't even tell you what OBGYN stands for if I had a million guesses, I just know that this creepy guy in high school wanted to be one when he grew up, and he was caught looking at naked pregnant women in computer lab when he was supposed to be making a spreadsheet. I guess he had a different definition for the word spreadsheet. So now here I am visualizing the creepy guy from high school as Ashley's doctor. I had played this scenario out well over 100 times in my head and every time the creepy guy from high school walks in the room and shuts the door and after I recognize him we wake up in the bathroom from SAW. So needless to say I didn't sleep at all leading up to this appointment.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Deed: December 26th, 2011
This is the morning our little TBD baby was conceived. Of course we didn't know this at the time, we found this out at our first visit to the OBGYN, which will be covered in a later post. Ashley and I didn't detect her ovulation or download any apps, we just winged it. We took the man's mentality and decided to build without using any instructions, glad we didn't have any left over parts. We agreed that we would keep trying until the beginning of the new year and if it happens then it is meant to be. Ashley and I woke up the day after Christmas to what ended up being more than 12 inches of snow fall. I know God made this winter storm so we could have our TBD baby, there is no other explanation, it never snows like that in Virginia. If we would have had Virginia's normal weather of 40 degrees yesterday and 80 degrees today, then Ashley and I would have went to work as normal, we wouldn't have gotten bored that morning, and who knows if we would be having this baby. Who knows if you would be reading this blog! So thank God my little swimmers were feeling like Michael Phelps at the 2008 Summer Olympics. I knew I ate 5,000 calories on Christmas day for a reason.
Tip #2: If you get lucky one morning when you were not supposed too, and a natural phenomenon is the reason, it is not luck.
And this is when I actually started my journey to, destination... dad.
Tip #2: If you get lucky one morning when you were not supposed too, and a natural phenomenon is the reason, it is not luck.
And this is when I actually started my journey to, destination... dad.
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