Ashley had an OBGYN appointment today and prior to this day we had debated on whether Ashley wanted to get induced today, but after taking the baby classes Ashley didn't want to be induced anymore because she learned that her contractions are more painful when induced. So she changed her mind. Ashley called me during her appointment and told me that the doctor had a hard time finding the heart beat and that he said it was very weird and that he wanted to go ahead and induce her. I told Ashley that the doctor wants her to be induced so she goes into labor on his schedule and not at 2 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday or something and that if something was wrong he wouldn't have given you the option to be induced. But of course I was supportive and told Ashley if that is what she wanted to do then I am OK with that. So she told the doctor she did want to be induced today. The doctor said they would have to call the hospital to see if they have a room available and they would give us a call to let us know.
So now here I am at work and it's starting to kick in that this is it, the time has come. The past nine months have finally led to this moment. I couldn't work anymore, my mind was so far gone, I just wanted to go home, but we hadn't even gotten the word if she was even going to be induced yet.
Ashley calls me within the hour to tell me that the hospital does not have any rooms. Well there goes all that excitement!
After I got off work, I come home to my still very pregnant fiance and we are just sitting and talking about how excited we were and now we don't want to wait anymore. Then Ashley gets a phone call and it is the hospital. They told Ashley that someone cancelled their induction and wanted to know if she still wanted to get induced tonight. We of course say yes because we are so impatient!
So we had to be at the hospital between 8 P.M. and 9 P.M. When we got there the registration desk person said to us, "Well let me make sure we still have a room for you. We got a lot of emergencies since we called you." Here I am thinking, "I swear if they send us back home I am going to cause a scene! I am not getting this close to be turned away!" I felt like I was standing in line for a premiere event and only the first 100 people get in, and every time I counted the people in front of me we were numbers 101 and 102. They tell us to go sit in the waiting room and they will let us know. I've already sent out numerous mass texts telling people this was happening. You can't take back that kind of information. You can't send a, "Sike!" text. Luckily for the people working that night they got us a room, because if they hadn't I might of missed my daughter's birth for being banned from the hospital.
They started the induction process at 11 P.M. and said that she would start feeling minor contractions sometime tomorrow morning. So I grabbed a blanket, tried to figure out how to make that chair extend out to a bed. Couldn't figure it out, so I just pulled up another chair and slept on two chairs. See you in the morning!
Tip #41: Get induced, it's less stress, no rushing to the hospital, no ruining of your car's interior, and it's just calmer.
And this is when the "Please Fasten Your Seat Belt" sign came on on my journey to, destination... dad.
Showing posts with label OBGYN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OBGYN. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Boxer: July 20, 2011
In "The Snoring" I stated that Ashley made me feel like I was sleeping next to Brian Urlacher. Well things have now changed, I now feel like I am sleeping next to Manny Pacquiao, or should I say "Manny Preg-uiao."
The OBGYN recently told Ashley that she has a minor case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. He said that it is not uncommon for pregnant women to get but she needs to be careful with the strain she puts on her wrists. It doesn't help that Ashley sits at a desk in front of a computer all day and types, and it also doesn't help that she sleeps like a cute little angel (she isn't fooling anybody) with her wrist balled up underneath her chin. So what did I do? I bought her two wrist braces to help keep her wrist straight while sleeping. However, she didn't wear them for very long, maybe for like a week or two. I would put them on her before going to bed and she would complain about them being too tight, I told her that they are braces and they are supposed to be tight, well she didn't like that. She would wake up in the middle of the night and all I hear is velcro being pulled apart, she was loosening them up because she claimed her hands were falling asleep. I told her that her hands fell asleep at night before the braces because it's the carpal tunnel that is causing that. Then she would tell me it wasn't comfortable and she didn't like them. So one morning I woke up and they were both laying on the floor. They now are collecting dust on the window sill.
Manny Preg-uiao had a short career.
Tip #29: No matter what you try and tell her, she is going to do what she wants to do. Your job is to just watch and wait for this to all be over with.
And this is when I decided it would be better if I just slept through the flight and stop trying to help on my journey to, destination... dad.
The OBGYN recently told Ashley that she has a minor case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. He said that it is not uncommon for pregnant women to get but she needs to be careful with the strain she puts on her wrists. It doesn't help that Ashley sits at a desk in front of a computer all day and types, and it also doesn't help that she sleeps like a cute little angel (she isn't fooling anybody) with her wrist balled up underneath her chin. So what did I do? I bought her two wrist braces to help keep her wrist straight while sleeping. However, she didn't wear them for very long, maybe for like a week or two. I would put them on her before going to bed and she would complain about them being too tight, I told her that they are braces and they are supposed to be tight, well she didn't like that. She would wake up in the middle of the night and all I hear is velcro being pulled apart, she was loosening them up because she claimed her hands were falling asleep. I told her that her hands fell asleep at night before the braces because it's the carpal tunnel that is causing that. Then she would tell me it wasn't comfortable and she didn't like them. So one morning I woke up and they were both laying on the floor. They now are collecting dust on the window sill.
Manny Preg-uiao had a short career.
Tip #29: No matter what you try and tell her, she is going to do what she wants to do. Your job is to just watch and wait for this to all be over with.
And this is when I decided it would be better if I just slept through the flight and stop trying to help on my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Sex: April 30th, 2011
This is the day! I never thought I would be this excited about a day that wasn't Opening Day or Selection Sunday or the Superbowl or any day that involves sports for that matter. But this day surpassed any of those, and I never knew that was possible. Sports have and I thought always would be my life, sorry Ashley, but today I realized that there is now someone coming that will be more important than any buzzer beater or walk-off home run.
So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.
"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"
That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.
Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.
And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.
So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.
"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"
That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.
Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.
And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Crisis: March 8th, 2011
On your first day of school you walk around with your schedule repeatedly looking at the classroom number on the paper and the classroom numbers next to each door looking for a match, and that is OK because everyone else is doing it too. But come the second day you are walking down the hallway like you know where you are going with no paper in hand, cool and collected. When really you are doing nothing but repeating the classroom numbers in your head hoping you didn't mix two classroom numbers together and be that guy who walks into the wrong classroom, does the awkward stutter step, and walks out of the classroom hoping no one saw you even after you heard the laughter coming from the classroom while you walked away. That was me at the OBGYN for the second time. I walked in like I knew what I was doing, had the expression like "been here done that", knew where to sit, what magazines to pick up and read, but really in my head I was coaching myself through every step, even breathing. I was like a duck in a lake, on the surface everything is calm but underwater my feet are going crazy. But luckily 'The Crisis' is not about me this time, it's about Ashley not gaining any weight.
Yes, the crisis is Ashley did not gain any weight since her last OBGYN appointment, she actually lost a pound. Now why is this a crisis you ask? That is an excellent question, I do not know if it was necessarily a crisis for Ashley but she made it a crisis for me. That night after the OBGYN visit Ashley wanted to go to Sam's Club, and we bought over $200 worth of groceries! Ashley thought she wasn't eating right, she thought she was malnutrition since she had lost a pound. So we bought a cow, a pig, and a chicken coop along with a fruit and vegetable garden. I felt like we were starting Noah's Ark at home.
Tip #9: Cancel your membership to Sam's Club until after the first trimester is over.
And this is when I hit turbulence on my journey to, destination... dad.
Yes, the crisis is Ashley did not gain any weight since her last OBGYN appointment, she actually lost a pound. Now why is this a crisis you ask? That is an excellent question, I do not know if it was necessarily a crisis for Ashley but she made it a crisis for me. That night after the OBGYN visit Ashley wanted to go to Sam's Club, and we bought over $200 worth of groceries! Ashley thought she wasn't eating right, she thought she was malnutrition since she had lost a pound. So we bought a cow, a pig, and a chicken coop along with a fruit and vegetable garden. I felt like we were starting Noah's Ark at home.
Tip #9: Cancel your membership to Sam's Club until after the first trimester is over.
And this is when I hit turbulence on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Internet: February 10th, 2011
After the visit with the OBGYN Ashley went crazy with researching different things online about pregnancy. It was like she had to wait for the doctor to officially tell her she was pregnant before she could act like a pregnant woman. So everyday, hell more like every hour, I was either being told or being text another fact about being pregnant and mostly what she couldn't eat. After listing off all of the foods she was basically left with bread and butter and sugar water. I told her if she wants to eat that all she needs to do is go to prison, that way we don't have to pay for it. Ashley said she couldn't eat lunch meat, cheese, mayonnaise, or sushi along with a bunch of other retarded foods. I told her I didn't believe all that crap and for her not to believe everything she reads online, but of course Ashley believed it. I told her I guarantee my grandma ate all of that food every night and her kids were fine. I wasn't going to use the my-mom-ate-all-that-food-when-she-was-pregnant-with-me example, because then she could then have had an argument. There are so many bullshit theories and myths now-a-days you can't do anything, everyone is always scared.
Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!
Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.
And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!
Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.
And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The OBGYN: February 7th, 2011
This was one of the most awkward moments of my life. Ashley asked me if I would go with her to the OBGYN, and of course me being the awesome man that I am I agreed. I couldn't even tell you what OBGYN stands for if I had a million guesses, I just know that this creepy guy in high school wanted to be one when he grew up, and he was caught looking at naked pregnant women in computer lab when he was supposed to be making a spreadsheet. I guess he had a different definition for the word spreadsheet. So now here I am visualizing the creepy guy from high school as Ashley's doctor. I had played this scenario out well over 100 times in my head and every time the creepy guy from high school walks in the room and shuts the door and after I recognize him we wake up in the bathroom from SAW. So needless to say I didn't sleep at all leading up to this appointment.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Deed: December 26th, 2011
This is the morning our little TBD baby was conceived. Of course we didn't know this at the time, we found this out at our first visit to the OBGYN, which will be covered in a later post. Ashley and I didn't detect her ovulation or download any apps, we just winged it. We took the man's mentality and decided to build without using any instructions, glad we didn't have any left over parts. We agreed that we would keep trying until the beginning of the new year and if it happens then it is meant to be. Ashley and I woke up the day after Christmas to what ended up being more than 12 inches of snow fall. I know God made this winter storm so we could have our TBD baby, there is no other explanation, it never snows like that in Virginia. If we would have had Virginia's normal weather of 40 degrees yesterday and 80 degrees today, then Ashley and I would have went to work as normal, we wouldn't have gotten bored that morning, and who knows if we would be having this baby. Who knows if you would be reading this blog! So thank God my little swimmers were feeling like Michael Phelps at the 2008 Summer Olympics. I knew I ate 5,000 calories on Christmas day for a reason.
Tip #2: If you get lucky one morning when you were not supposed too, and a natural phenomenon is the reason, it is not luck.
And this is when I actually started my journey to, destination... dad.
Tip #2: If you get lucky one morning when you were not supposed too, and a natural phenomenon is the reason, it is not luck.
And this is when I actually started my journey to, destination... dad.
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