Before you go to the hospital for the birth of your child you are supposed to take a tour of the hospital. Why? I am not exactly sure and after our "tour" I still haven't figured out why.
We arrive at the hospital and are sitting in the lobby waiting for our tour guide to come get us. Well while we are sitting there two more couples come to the lobby to wait for the tour guide as well. One is a Mexican couple and we later find out that they don't speak any English because when the tour guide ask them what they are having the guy nods his head and says, "Si." The other couple, who just so happened to sit across from us in the lobby, decides she wants to try and talk to Ashley. The problem is she talks like she has rocks in her mouth and she was very hard to understand. I was reading a magazine at the time she spoke and I decided to bury my face into the magazine to stop from laughing. I'm not trying to be mean but do you know what it is like to try to talk to someone when you don't have the slightest clue as to what they are saying. If you don't just ask Ashley because she now knows what it's like.
The magazine I was reading was Popular Science and the article I was reading about is how we, humans, use good memories and thoughts to predict the future when making decisions. Meaning when we are faced with a decision in life we tend to think about what good has happened or what good can happen before deciding. We tend to block out the negative that we know or think could happen and weigh the positive much more than the negative, helping us make our decision. So we tend to think the positive prediction will be the result of our decision. So here I am sitting there reading this article and I started to think, maybe God is trying to give me a sign. When Ashley and I decided to try for a baby I was all for it. I helped raise my niece and have seen a child grow up, and it is an amazing and unforgettable journey. I remember when she first started to roll over, or crawl, or walk, talk, laugh, cry, show her personality, I remember everything! Or at least I thought I did. While reading this article it made me think about those years that my niece was growing up, and it made me think deeper, and then it hit me. When talking to Ashley about trying for a baby I was all for it because those things I just listed along with others is what all I thought about and those are the things that I wanted to cherish with a child of my own. I didn't think about the crying in the middle of the night, the temper tantrums, the crying for hours and you don't know why, the spills, the stains, the puke, or the poop along with many, many other things. I felt like God was talking to me throughout that article. But before I could get down on my knees and start talking to him, begging him for my child to have nothing but good memories, the tour guide arrived.
As we start to walk around the hotel with the tour guide she would ask a question to the group but Ashley and I were the only ones that responded. So from then on she just decided to talk to only us since we appeared to be the only normal couple in the group. I had asked Ashley if she signed us up for the handicap tour and then received a backhand to the chest. The tour guide took us to the delivery and post-partum room where I first checked out the TVs in each room. I calculated the size, looked at the wall mount and if it was on a swivel, checked out the lighting in the room, and decided where I would be sitting to get the best viewing experience. I then leaned over and asked Ashley, "Do you think they have NFL Sunday Ticket here?" and again received another backhand to the chest. How could you blame me? Ashley's due date is on a Sunday, one month into the football season, I can't miss my fantasy players games that day!
So after the completion of the tour we got to see every room that Ashley and Kherington will be in along with instructions and directions around the hospital. Now do they really think I or any other man will be able to remember all the things they just told us? Do you understand how big this hospital is? Every hallway and door looks the same, it's like she was giving birth inside one of those carnival fun houses with all the mirrors. Just tell me what to do and where to go when I get there. Thanks.
Tip #31: Be the guy who brings a notepad and paper to the tour. I really wish I did.
And this is when I realized that right before my plane is scheduled to land, all hell is going to break loose on my journey to, destination... dad.
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