Babies R' Us, Walmart, and Target, this is where I spent my day off walking around scanning items for the registry. Babies R' Us took us half the day alone, which is why I didn't understand why we had to go to Walmart and Target as well. Babies R' Us had everything we needed but we purposely didn't scan certain items so we could scan them at Walmart or Target, not my idea. So we had to remember what we scanned at the previous stores so we didn't also scan them at the current store. By the end of the day I didn't want to see a diaper or a burp cloth for at least a month.
Ashley kept asking me which ones I wanted to get, of everything. I didn't care about anything except the stroller, car seat, and diaper bag. Because I didn't want to be the guy that is pushing around and carrying an all bright pink Hello Kitty stroller and diaper bag. It'll clash my style. So I told Ashley we needed to get neutral colors so we could use the same stuff for our next baby as well. Also, I decided to scan the Eddie Bauer diaper bag. Not only was it one of the cheapest ones, but I will be styling when carrying that around, or as much as a newly-dad can.
While at Babies R' Us Ashley knocked down a whole rack of burp clothes while trying to scan them. I of course high tailed it the other way pretending I didn't know her. We of course were laughing to tears until Ashley was done laugh-crying and started to emotional-cry. I was like what is wrong and her only reply was, "I don't know!" So here we are in the middle of Babies R' Us and I'm standing next to a crying pregnant woman. I bet I could have won boyfriend of the day if they took a vote amongst guests.
While at Walmart I told Ashley we needed to go to the electronics. She said, "Of course we do." She said that because no matter what we go to Walmart for, I always have to go walk around electronics. I like to stare at the 55' Samsung 3D LED TV and imagine it in my living room. But Ashley didn't know that I wasn't going to just walk around, I was going to scan items for the registry. I started picking up bluray DVDs and to scan them. Ashley starts freaking out and asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was adding Disney bluray movies to the registry. She asked why in a panic voice like I was ruining the registry and no one would buy anything when they saw bluray DVDs on the registry. I told her, "Kherington will love Disney movies! All kids love Disney movies! Especially when they are in high-def!"
Tip #21: Make sure you find something to add to the registry that you will also enjoy. Remember it isn't all about the little one, it's also about the people taking care of her.
And this is when I realized how much stuff will be waiting for me when I get home from my journey to, destination... dad.
Showing posts with label Diapers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diapers. Show all posts
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Sex: April 30th, 2011
This is the day! I never thought I would be this excited about a day that wasn't Opening Day or Selection Sunday or the Superbowl or any day that involves sports for that matter. But this day surpassed any of those, and I never knew that was possible. Sports have and I thought always would be my life, sorry Ashley, but today I realized that there is now someone coming that will be more important than any buzzer beater or walk-off home run.
So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.
"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"
That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.
Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.
And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.
So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.
"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"
That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.
Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.
And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.
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