The Unthinkable: September 29, 2011

My parents arrived and that made the situation even harder, me seeing my parents had me thinking 'will Kherington ever see her's again.' Then having to go tell all my friends who were at the hospital waiting to see her was just as hard. They were down in the cafeteria laughing and having fun, they weren't expecting news like this. Nobody was!

The transport arrived and said they were loading Kherington up to prepare her for the car ride to CHKD and they would bring her by so we could see her before she left. When they brought her in the room she looked like a science experiment. She had a ton of wires and tubes connected to her and she was inside a plastic box, like an incubator. She was sedated, and they let us open the side door so we could hold her hand and let her know everything was going to be okay. They gave us her first picture that they took after her bath, wires and all.

I rode with my parents to CHKD because I was in no shape to drive a vehicle. I stared at the picture almost the entire way. I was sitting in the back seat and would occasionally stare out the window, just wondering if Kherington was ever going to get to enjoy this world that we all complain about so much.

We get to CHKD with all my friends behind us. They all came with me and would stay with me until the middle of the morning, and most of them had to work the next day. That meant so much to me, to know that I had that much support from family and friends was unbelievable. After Kherington arrived at CHKD they told us that it would be a couple of hours until I would get to see her because they had to get everything hooked up and get her stable. Two hours seemed like an eternity, I don't care how many people you have there to distract you from the present. You might for one second get to take your mind off of reality but then in a blink of an eye it always comes back.

I would sit there and zone out at times. Everybody talking around me and I heard nothing. I would just sit there and think about if I would ever get to hold my daughter again. I got to hold her for five minutes and I couldn't even remember those five minutes. I thought about if I would ever get to kick the soccer ball around in the front yard or play with barbies or build forts in the dining room with chairs, blankets, and pillows. I just didn't understand why this was happening.

I finally got the call that I could go see my baby girl. When I walked in it was an experience in itself. There were eight stations all with babies in plastic boxes. One of the saddest places I have ever been too. I had to scrub my arms with soap all the way up to elbows, and then use 2 squirts of hand sanitizer on each arm up to the elbow before I could enter. Then I had to put on a full upper body scrub along with a surgical mouth cover thingy. When I finally got to go see Kherington she looked even more like a science experiment. She had more tubes and hoses than before along with four different monitors hooked up to her. It was just awful.

I was in there for about four hours while my mom, dad, sister, and Kherington's Godfather, Stoney, all took turns coming in to see her. They only allow two people at her bedside at a time. After everyone had their turn to come see Kherington I stayed for a little bit longer and had some alone time with her. I just stared at her and prayed. I felt like a bad father because there was nothing I could do, and that is my job as a father is to protect her from everything!

While I was there alone the doctor came by and spoke with me. He really gave me the worse news I could have possibly wanted, but then again I asked him to tell me the truth and forget about that bedside manner bull crap. He said that they were giving her a plasma transplant to help with the bleeding in her lung, and hoping that it would clot by itself. He then said the problem is if that hole in her lung were to clot, the blood still left in her lung is too deep for them to suck out with a tube. He then explained, the problem with blood sitting in her lung is that our lungs have a chemical that it produces which keeps our lungs moist and open. With the blood just sitting in her lung it can soak up that chemical and her lungs can dry out causing her to not being able to breathe. When this happens there is a synthetic form of this chemical called surfactin that they can inject into her lungs to stop them from drying and closing. The problem is that this chemical would most likely knock the clot out and she would start bleeding into her lung again, and by knocking that clot out, it could cause the hole to become larger, causing her to bleed even more into her lung. He said that if she doesn't need the surfactin by noon tomorrow then he thinks she will be fine because that means the bleeding would have stopped by then and the blood left in her lung wouldn't be enough to cause problems. So I looked at the doctor and said, "So you are telling me that if she can get to noon tomorrow she will be fine, if not she will either suffocate to death or she will drown in her own blood." The doctor really didn't say anything because I was right. Try going back to your family and friends and telling them that.

I went back to the room where it got dead quiet when I walked in. Before I said anything about Kherington I asked, "Did the Cardinals win?" Which everyone said yes, so I had a bitter sweet moment. Then I explained the scenario that was happening. Telling your loved ones that news without breaking down is the hardest thing I have ever done. Seeing every one's face when saying that, and seeing their expressions, was heart breaking. I still don't know how I held it together.

Ashley was still at the hospital where she had to stay overnight. I called her and told her I got to see Kherington but didn't tell her what the doctor and I had talked about. She needed to get rest and get better and I didn't need her ripping needles and tubes out of her arm screaming at the doctors and nurses to let her leave. So I lied to her, but it was the right thing to do. She will hate me for it later, but I think she will also thank me.

It was about 2 o'clock in the morning when everyone started to head home. The nurse had just come in and told us that Kherington's blood test came back and her plasma levels were up, which was a good sign for the clotting issue. So since we got good news I think some people wanted to end on that note. My friend Jake actually stayed with me that night. They don't have rooms for you to sleep in at CHKD but I talked to the nurse and told her I wasn't leaving. She was nice enough to put me in one of the breast pumping rooms that had fold down chairs. They were harder than the floor, but after all I had been through I was exhausted and was asleep before I hit the pillow. She had told us that we had to be out by 8am since that is when they open the rooms for ladies to pump. Last thing I think a lady wants to do is walk into a room she thinks she is going to be pumping in and two guys are asleep in both chairs.

So my alarm went off at 7am...

The Birth: September 28, 2011

4:00 A.M.
I wake up to find out that Ashley had already been having minor contractions since 1 o'clock. I asked her why she didn't wake me up and she said there was no need too, which I then agreed and went back to sleep.

4:49 A.M.
I can't sleep with the nurse continuing to come in and out of the room so I decided to watch some Sportscenter.

5:49 A.M.
Only problem with watching Sportscenter so early in the morning is after one hour there is nothing else to watch. So I tried to go back to sleep.

6:18 A.M.
Can't sleep so I start to work on my blog.

6:42 A.M.
Ashley is now asleep and I am wide awake.

7:24 A.M.
I start taking pictures and video of this experience. Ashley yells and curses at me.

7:35 A.M.
We get our first visit from the doctor and Ashley is already 2 cm dilated! Doctor said at this rate we could meet Kherington by noon! They don't have to give her pitocin to speed up the process because she is doing it all on her own. Kherington can't wait to meet her daddy!

7:36 A.M.
Everyone is receiving mass texts from me letting them know noon is the time for my scheduled landing.

8:02 A.M.
Ashley's contractions are bad. She sounds like a wounded seal.

8:05 A.M.
Ashley is screaming for the epidural even though the doctor told her to wait till she is about 4 cm. But what do doctors know?!

8:32 A.M.
By this time Ashley's body is an ocean of sweat and she is screaming for an epidural like Mel Gibson screamed for his son in Ransom.

8:35 A.M.
I step outside the room to grab the nurse so Ashley can get her epidural shot and from the hallway her room sounds like a scene from Hostel. She sounded like she was being tortured.

8:46 A.M.
While Ashley is laying there screaming and cursing at me, I asked her, "This doesn't mean we aren't going to have another one right?" Wrong question to ask!

9:05 A.M.
Here comes the epidural man to save my day!

9:11 A.M.
Ashley is asleep.

9:20 A.M.
I'm asleep.

10:15 A.M.
My mom is the first person to come visit since we heard our target time of noon.

10:56 A.M.
Ashley is at 9 cm! It is almost time! My facebook and twitter are constantly being updated along with my mass texts being sent out.

11:12 A.M.
Ashley's dad is here now!

11:20 A.M.
Trying to figure out if we will be all set in our room for the St. Louis Cardinals game at 8 o'clock. They have to win to force a one game playoff but if the Atlanta Braves lose and the Cardinals win the Cardinals clinch the NL Wild Card. So Kherington didn't come on a Sunday to interfere with the NFL games but now she might interfere with one of MLB's biggest nights? I can already see that this is a sign from God telling me she will be getting in the way of a lot of sporting events in the future.

11:52 A.M.
We find out that Dr. Hardy has a C-section at 12 o'clock and that he will be in afterwards. The nurse says Ashley is still at 9 cm and she is going to give her some pitocin to help to that last centimeter.

12:10 P.M.
The wounded seal is back.

12:57 P.M.
The wounded seal is still, well... wounded.

1:05 P.M.
The nurses come in and gives us the instructions for when Ashley pushes. How to hold her smelly feet, where to give her leg support, and how to count to ten.

1:26 P.M.
Still pushing. Facebook and twitter getting constantly updated.

1:31 P.M.
Well hello Dr. Hardy!

1:47 P.M.
I can see her head! This is so amazing! Haven't started crying yet!

1:50 P.M.
O-M-G! (Yes, I just used OMG to explain my feelings. I am at an emotional state, give me a break!) This is by far the neatest most awesomest (Yes, awesomest) experience I have ever had!

1:53 P.M.
Her head is out! And tears form.

1:54 P.M.
Little miss Kherington Marie is born, cue the water works. The 10 or so seconds it took for her to start crying was probably the most nerve wrecking experience, and I couldn't even see her because my eyes were blurry. Her stats are 7 lbs. and 19.25 inches.

1:55 P.M.
I cut the umbilical cord which was like taking a pair of kitchen shears and cutting a garden hose. Not as easy as it looks!

1:57 P.M.
Ashley gets to hold the love of her life. I look at Kherington in her eyes and I can see she gave me the, "Move aside I'm number one now!" look. Already this child has her mother's attitude. Unbelievable.

2:01 P.M.
I get to hold my beautiful baby girl. Greatest moment of my life. I finally got to meet her.

2:07 P.M.
Family and friends are allowed to come into the room and share this experience with us. Thank you to all who showed up and thank you to everyone who didn't because that would have been really crowded then.

Tip #42: Watch your child being born. It sounds disgusting and in every video you watch before hand it is disgusting. But when that is your child being born, and you are watching him or her start their life. It is absolutely breath taking.

And this is when my plane landed on my journey to, destination... dad.

The Induction: September 27th, 2011

Ashley had an OBGYN appointment today and prior to this day we had debated on whether Ashley wanted to get induced today, but after taking the baby classes Ashley didn't want to be induced anymore because she learned that her contractions are more painful when induced. So she changed her mind. Ashley called me during her appointment and told me that the doctor had a hard time finding the heart beat and that he said it was very weird and that he wanted to go ahead and induce her. I told Ashley that the doctor wants her to be induced so she goes into labor on his schedule and not at 2 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday or something and that if something was wrong he wouldn't have given you the option to be induced. But of course I was supportive and told Ashley if that is what she wanted to do then I am OK with that. So she told the doctor she did want to be induced today. The doctor said they would have to call the hospital to see if they have a room available and they would give us a call to let us know.

So now here I am at work and it's starting to kick in that this is it, the time has come. The past nine months have finally led to this moment. I couldn't work anymore, my mind was so far gone, I just wanted to go home, but we hadn't even gotten the word if she was even going to be induced yet.

Ashley calls me within the hour to tell me that the hospital does not have any rooms. Well there goes all that excitement!

After I got off work, I come home to my still very pregnant fiance and we are just sitting and talking about how excited we were and now we don't want to wait anymore. Then Ashley gets a phone call and it is the hospital. They told Ashley that someone cancelled their induction and wanted to know if she still wanted to get induced tonight. We of course say yes because we are so impatient!

So we had to be at the hospital between 8 P.M. and 9 P.M. When we got there the registration desk person said to us, "Well let me make sure we still have a room for you. We got a lot of emergencies since we called you." Here I am thinking, "I swear if they send us back home I am going to cause a scene! I am not getting this close to be turned away!" I felt like I was standing in line for a premiere event and only the first 100 people get in, and every time I counted the people in front of me we were numbers 101 and 102. They tell us to go sit in the waiting room and they will let us know. I've already sent out numerous mass texts telling people this was happening. You can't take back that kind of information. You can't send a, "Sike!" text. Luckily for the people working that night they got us a room, because if they hadn't I might of missed my daughter's birth for being banned from the hospital.

They started the induction process at 11 P.M. and said that she would start feeling minor contractions sometime tomorrow morning. So I grabbed a blanket, tried to figure out how to make that chair extend out to a bed. Couldn't figure it out, so I just pulled up another chair and slept on two chairs. See you in the morning!

Tip #41: Get induced, it's less stress, no rushing to the hospital, no ruining of your car's interior, and it's just calmer.

And this is when the "Please Fasten Your Seat Belt" sign came on on my journey to, destination... dad.

The Dreams: August 13th, 2011

I don't know if this is something that happens to all pregnant women but Ashley has had the craziest dreams recently. She wakes up in the middle of the night and she is either panting, crying, depressed, or frightened. Everyone has nightmares, and I get if you wake up crying or scared because someone was trying to kill you in your dream or you were falling off a building. It feels so real and then you wake up and realize that it wasn't real, it was a dream, and then go back to sleep. Not for a pregnant woman.

Ashley will wake up in the middle of the night freaking out and then decide to wake me up to tell me what she just dreamed about. One night when Ashley was around four months pregnant, she woke up in a panic and told me that she had the baby at four months and then the doctors took her and never brought her back (except her version of the story went on for about 10 minutes). I said, "It's impossible to have the baby now. Go back to sleep."

Another night she wakes up freaking out to tell me that she just dreamt that she had the baby but after the doctors took her to get cleaned up they brought back the wrong baby, they brought back a baby with dark curly hair. Ashley told them that this wasn't her baby. So the doctors apologized and brought back another baby, but this time the baby was a boy, so the doctors again apologized and brought back a baby that was already three months old. Ashley said that she told the doctors that this wasn't her child either but they insisted that it was and wouldn't listen to her. I said to Ashley, "That's impossible they have wristbands they give the babies now to prevent mix-ups. Go back to sleep."

Then most recently she wakes up panting and out of breathe. She wakes me up to tell me the dream and when I find out why she woke me up I just went back to sleep. Later she tells me that she dreamt that a serial killer woman trapped her in the house and was going to kill her and take her baby. Glad to know that I didn't lose any sleep over that one.

Tip #33: Sleep in the other room if you don't want to be bothered by dream recaps in the middle of the night.

And this is when I realized that I too would lose sleep on my journey to, destination... dad.

The Babymoon: August 8th, 2011

Ashley told me she wanted to go away for a weekend before the baby came, that we needed to have a babymoon. I don't know what a babymoon is, I have never heard of one before, but because I am a college educated man I put two and two together and figured it out. I realized it is like a honeymoon except on a babymoon you aren't celebrating your marriage you are celebrating (without alcohol) your last vacation of freedom. But unfortunately I told Ashley we couldn't do it because I wasn't trying to spend a bunch of money before the baby came. Ashley was very upset because she thought that was just my excuse not to go. So I had to explain to her that I want to make sure we are financially set before this baby comes (which nobody is ever financially set, but the closer you think you are the better you feel about being "set"). So Ashley understood and I thought that was the end of it.

Well then Ashley's future maid of honor, Mary, who is getting married in a week decided she is inviting the wedding party down to the Outer Banks for a weekend of celebration. It is like a bachelor and bachelorette party combined. Mary is marrying Ramises, and his best man rented a beach house for everyone down on the oceanfront (thanks Chris!). Ashley and I were not part of the wedding party but I guess because we are so awesome we got invited anyways. Which was an honor and we are glad we could spend the weekend and celebrate with them (thanks guys!). When Ashley told me about this weekend I said to her that we could treat this as our babymoon also! Two birds, one stone.

So we drove down to the Outer Banks and had one hell of a time. It was a great weekend with great friends and Ashley and I even expanded our guest list for our wedding because we met such great people while we were down there. The weekend was a time I will never forget and I really felt bad for Ashley since she couldn't drink. But she cherished the time we spent at the beach (since I never go to the beach), and all the good laughs we shared. After we got home she was upset because she realized she wasn't in a lot of the pictures but that was because she was either napping or the picture was taken after 9p.m. because she was already in bed for the night.

Tip #32: Celebrate the babymoon, even if it isn't exactly what she wants, she will still enjoy every bit of it, as will you.

And this is when I closed my eyes and took a mini "vacay" while on my journey to, destination... dad.

The Drugs: May 12th, 2011

A sick pregnant woman is a sad story, because if Ashley were too get sick there is only a limited number of medications that she can take. Which means she will be even more miserable than she already is when she's sick. So I made it through 20 weeks without a cough, only congestion as I discussed in the previous entry titled The Snoring. Could I really make it through the entire pregnancy without a cold? I mean I am 50% of the way there, could I be that lucky? No.

Ashley had been suffering from a cold for almost a week and Benedryl was causing her to lose sleep. She was having an opposite reaction to the drowsiness, which happens to some pregnant woman. So she called her doctor and found out that she could take Sudafed without the PE at the end. We went to the Rite-Aid down the street and they did not have the actual Sudafed brand but the Rite-Aid brand instead. We talked to the Pharmacist and he said that she can take the PE version as long as it didn't have this 20 letter long word that started with PH. Which on the front of the box it said "Physifhjnbskfchpasin" free. So we bought them but Ashley was still nervous about taking them, so while in the car I told her to look it up on her phone to ease her mind, which she then found out it was a no-go for anything with PE at the end. Ashley was pissed, she said, "Why the hell is that guy a pharmacist! He could have killed me!"

We then went to Walgreens to find the Sudafed she can take, she immediately found it, picked up the little slip to take the Pharmacy and of course they were closed. She said, "Someone has to be able to give me some." and I told her, "Ya, the pharmacist." So she takes the slip to the front register and ask the woman who replies, "Only the pharmacist can give you this, I don't have a key." Ashley then takes the little slip, throws it on the counter and says, "This is stupid! It's 4:55! Who actually leaves work at five o'clock! Where the hell am I supposed to get some Sudafed!? I can't sleep!" as she walks out the door. I followed her but first apologized to the two cashiers and explained to them that she is pregnant. Once we got to the car Ashley exploded, "Really!? 4:55 and she is gone!? She probably never leaves work early because she doesn't have a life, but today of all days she decides she's going to leave exactly at five o'clock to screw the pregnant woman who needs some Sudafed!" I told Ashley that I completely agree and think that is exactly what happened.

We drive to Harris Teeter, same thing, grabs the slip, takes it to the pharmacy, and they're closed. Ashley just drops the slip in the middle of the isle, walks away and starts mumbling. I just follow like a little minion from Despicable Me. I don't care what she is saying, who she is cursing, or where we are going, I only care about making sure I am in her view if she looks back. We get to the car and she starts cursing out the methamphetamine addicts who are the reason Sudafed is an over the counter drug. This hatred towards meth addicts goes on until we get to the next Rite-Aid, I endure a good 10-15 minutes worth of methhead bashing.

We park at the next Rite-Aid and I am praying to God while walking in that they have the Sudafed. Ashley grabs the slip and takes it to the pharmacy, which is open. She hands the slip to the pharmacist and the pharmacist says, "We don't have Sudafed we only have the Rite-Aid brand." Ashley replies, "Of course you don't. As long as it doesn't have PE at the end then I can take it, my doctor just says I can't take anything with PE at the end." The pharmacist asks why not the PE and Ashley tells her because she is pregnant. Then both of the pharmacist tell Ashley that Sudafed is not OK to take if you are pregnant. Ashley screams, "What the f***! I just won't sleep at all then! That work for you! Have a great day!" I told Ashley to call her doctor because obviously he told her it was OK, so I told her to just double check. She calls the doctor and he says some people say you can't take Sudafed when pregnant because it is considered a category C medication. Which means studies have shown that it causes adverse affects to reproduction in animals but there have been no studies done on humans. So basically nobody knows! Now that Ashley has an answer from her doctor that she can take Sudafed she goes back into Rite-Aid and is now the nicest person ever. She apologizes to both pharmacist and even the guest who witnessed her go crazy. She gets to the car, takes a Sudafed, and is now back to the loving fiance that I know.

Tip #19: Put her in a bubble like Bubble Boy so she will never get sick.

And this is when I started to apologize to random strangers on my journey to, destination... dad.

The Sex: April 30th, 2011

This is the day! I never thought I would be this excited about a day that wasn't Opening Day or Selection Sunday or the Superbowl or any day that involves sports for that matter. But this day surpassed any of those, and I never knew that was possible. Sports have and I thought always would be my life, sorry Ashley, but today I realized that there is now someone coming that will be more important than any buzzer beater or walk-off home run.

So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.

"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"

That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.

Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.

And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.

The Snoring: April 20th, 2011

Ever since Ashley starting spending nights at my house she complained about my snoring. In the middle of the night she would shove me to wake me up because my snoring woke her up. If I could I would stop snoring, but nobody has control over that. I would get so mad at her for waking me up when I was obviously in a good state of REM since I was snoring. Well you know what they say about paybacks.

I don't know what causes it but pregnant women snore, or at least my pregnant woman does. But it's not like a Fred Flintstone snore, it's even worse. It is actually heavy breathing with an occasional snort mixed in. This is so much worse because with a traditional snore you know what you are getting. With Ashley's kind of snoring, once I get used to the breathing and am just getting comfortable and ready to fall asleep the snort comes in and makes me jump as if someone just hit me with a defibrillator. I feel like I am sleeping next to a scientist in a Hazmat suit getting ready to check the radiation levels in Chernobyl. (More people would have been able to relate to Japan instead of Chernobyl, but it's just too soon.)

Ashley then realizes that she has developed allergies, which a lot of pregnant women do. So she decides to go buy these breathe right strips to help her breathing. Now lets just say I never really put two and two together with these nasal strips. I just thought it was a great idea because I figured she wouldn't breathe loud while sleeping anymore, but it never clicked that she would actually be wearing the nasal strip. So I come home from work one day to see that my pregnant fiance now looks like NFL middle linebacker Brian Urlacher. I didn't talk back that night in fear she would call an all out blitz and hit me from my blindside.

Tip #16: Your significant other will change throughout her pregnancy... a lot. But whether she becomes a scientist, a linebacker or even your own worst enemy, I promise you will love her more and more every single day no matter what.

And this is when I realized that sleep would not come easy on my journey to, destination... dad.