In the previous post "The Wedding" I said Ashley was starting to feel like Precious. Well she has never actually said that to me, but I know she is. I mean everybody would be feeling like a gigantic whale if they were pregnant, she has never had a belly and now it sticks out more than a white guy in an NBA game. So to make her feel better about the discomfort of her growing food catcher, I make her laugh about it. I always make jokes in reference to her belly, which she finds funny, as long as it isn't in front of anyone or on my blog. So let's just say she wasn't very happy about the Precious comment, but it was funny! I tell her she isn't fat it's just her maternal storage tissue.
I play beach volleyball on Thursday nights. The season just started and the first week we are put on the courts right behind the coed doubles teams. Now if you don't know volleyball, you don't understand what the problem is. I play 4 person coed which is more of a we-are-good-and-have-played-for-years-but-we-need-four-people-to-cover-the-court league. Now any type of doubles league involves very good players, and in volleyball if you are a very good player who is female you wear very little clothing to keep yourself cool. So the whole time I am playing, my backdrop are these girls with long legs and flat stomachs in little clothing, so Ashley can't help but see them. After my first game Ashley looks at me and says, "Do you think I will ever get back to my pre-pregnancy body." Now here is what makes me, me. I don't tell those white lies that most men do, I keep it real. Unfortunately my "keeping it real" moments end up like David Chappelle's skits of "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong." So I look at Ashley and say, "Babe that is all up to you, the weight isn't just going to go away. You are going to have to work and it's going to take some time. But if you are asking me this question because of those girls on the other court, I'm sorry babe but you will never have a body like that." And this is when I open mouth and insert foot.
Tip #25: Keep your opinions to yourself and your foot out of your mouth.
And this is when I realized I had my headphones on but was singing out loud on my journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Teams: June 15th, 2011
There will be a huge fight between Ashley and I when Kherington gets older because there is only one sports team that we agree on, and that is the St. Louis Cardinals. In college basketball and the NFL we completely disagree. I of course love every sport, and Ashley loves certain sports, it is one of the reasons we love each other so much. We use sports in our lives all the time. I told Ashley if we were having a boy I was going to paint the room burgundy and gold for the Redskins, and we already decided that our wedding colors are going to be royal blue because that is Duke and Kansas University's colors. We have no problem with disagreeing on sports teams, we end up rooting for the other's team as long as they aren't playing each other, but Kherington can't grow up liking and rooting for two teams. We can't cause her that much confusion at such a young age, if she is confused about her favorite team, whose to say she won't be confused about other things in life, and I am NOT having that!
She will definitely be a St. Louis Cardinals fan because Ashley didn't even like baseball until we went to a couple of Cardinals games last year, and now she is a fan. I already bought her a "Mommy's future Cardinals fan" t-shirt. I tried to buy a couple Redskins and Duke one's as well but she told me it would be a waste of money because she wouldn't wear them. How unfair is that? It is my baby too!
So Ashley and I will need to make an agreement with the other two sports. Of course I am sure my reader's are saying, "Just let Kherington decide." my answer to that is, "Hell NO!" Kids like winners, and if we give Kherington the decision to choose who she wants instead of raising her towards a certain team, she is going to end up liking whoever wins the Super Bowl and NCAA Tournament the year she can first remember. For example this year she would be either a Green Bay Packers or Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I can't live with my child constantly wearing green and yellow or black and gold, and God for bid the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl in a couple of years because she will have to be put up for adoption then! The same goes for college basketball, this year Connecticut and Butler made it to the championship, no and no. And again, God for bid the North Carolina Tar Heels make it to the championship because she would again be put up for adoption. Which she probably will end up liking them anyways because she is a girl and they have a girly color, baby blue, so she will think it's pretty and will ask for a UNC t-shirt one Christmas and she won't get anything but a bag of coal and I will tell her Santa Clause doesn't like UNC and she will never get presents from him again if she continues to like them.
Tip #24: If your biggest worry about your child growing up is who her favorite sports team will be, then you got it good!
And this is when I started to worry about what city I was flying over on my journey to, destination... dad.
She will definitely be a St. Louis Cardinals fan because Ashley didn't even like baseball until we went to a couple of Cardinals games last year, and now she is a fan. I already bought her a "Mommy's future Cardinals fan" t-shirt. I tried to buy a couple Redskins and Duke one's as well but she told me it would be a waste of money because she wouldn't wear them. How unfair is that? It is my baby too!
So Ashley and I will need to make an agreement with the other two sports. Of course I am sure my reader's are saying, "Just let Kherington decide." my answer to that is, "Hell NO!" Kids like winners, and if we give Kherington the decision to choose who she wants instead of raising her towards a certain team, she is going to end up liking whoever wins the Super Bowl and NCAA Tournament the year she can first remember. For example this year she would be either a Green Bay Packers or Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I can't live with my child constantly wearing green and yellow or black and gold, and God for bid the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl in a couple of years because she will have to be put up for adoption then! The same goes for college basketball, this year Connecticut and Butler made it to the championship, no and no. And again, God for bid the North Carolina Tar Heels make it to the championship because she would again be put up for adoption. Which she probably will end up liking them anyways because she is a girl and they have a girly color, baby blue, so she will think it's pretty and will ask for a UNC t-shirt one Christmas and she won't get anything but a bag of coal and I will tell her Santa Clause doesn't like UNC and she will never get presents from him again if she continues to like them.
Tip #24: If your biggest worry about your child growing up is who her favorite sports team will be, then you got it good!
And this is when I started to worry about what city I was flying over on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Kick: June 9th, 2011
Ashley always tells me, "She's moving!" But she isn't strong enough for me to feel her moving. So whenever Ashley tells me, I ignore her because it is like she is rubbing it in. But tonight she told me to come try and feel her because she was moving a lot, so I figured why not it'll make her happy. So I am sitting there with my hand on her stomach and she is pressing my hand down hard on her stomach to try and make me feel her. I'm sitting there watching TV when all of a sudden I feel a little something. I can't even explain it because it was so small and soft but I felt it. I felt my baby girl give me a high five!
Tip #23: Greatest feeling ever!
And this is when I first felt the reason why I am on this journey to, destination... dad.
Tip #23: Greatest feeling ever!
And this is when I first felt the reason why I am on this journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Dog: June 7th, 2011
Ashley's emotions have been all over the place like Kherington's food will be one day. She has cried over this and she has cried over that, hell she's even cried over nothing! So how would she react if something devastating were to happen, something that she is supposed to cry about? I don't know and hopefully I will never find out, but this night I came very, very, close to Ashley having the biggest breakdown of her life, and in the end it probably would have cost me a lot of money.
Ashley and I were on the way to my softball games on this lovely Tuesday afternoon. I was driving down Lynnhaven Parkway when all of a sudden I had to lock up my brakes while going 45 mph because a little black dog ran out into the street. I didn't hit the dog, but it got me thinking. What if I did? Do you know the repercussions I would have to face from this hormonal pregnant fiance of mine? Well let me tell you exactly what would have happened had I hit and killed this dog.
The truck would have come to a stop and I would have jumped out of the car to try and help this poor dog. Meanwhile, Ashley would have remained sitting in the car with her hands covering her eyes and doing her best impression of Dorothy's "There's no place like home." scene from The Wizard of Oz. Now to make a long story short, the dog went to heaven, because that's where all dogs go (duh) and after I do whatever I have to do about the dog (not important) I get back in the truck. After I get in the truck Ashley would still have her hands covering her face and she would have a huge puddle of tears in her lap. I would try to talk to her but she wouldn't say a word to me. So instead of going to my games I would take her home since she needs some comforting. When we get home she would go straight upstairs and lay in bed with her face in the pillow as if she was 16 again and just got dumped. Now remember, she doesn't know this dog, she couldn't even tell you the breed, but she is so sad that he or she is now gone from this world. So sad in fact that it is now affecting her life. She would lay in bed for days, she would miss work, and she still wouldn't be speaking to me, because in her eyes I am now the "Doggy Killer." Because she is acting the way she is, and not talking to me, she would start to make me feel guilty about hitting this dog. I would have to find someway for me to make her happy again and forget about the dog we don't even know the name of. And the only way I know how to do that is to get her another puppy. Now how this works I don't know. Because it's not like I created a brand new puppy using the ashes of the old one, and I'm not resurrecting the dog in any way. Whether we have a new puppy or not, that dog is still dead, but not in the eyes of this hormonal train wreck I call my fiance.
But what really happened? I stopped in time, the dog ran out of the street without getting hit, Ashley saw the kids that were chasing the dog, and proceeded to yell out the window at them, "If you don't run after him, he won't run from you! Dumb kids!"
Tip #22: Travel everywhere using a segway. Your not going to hurt any animals with that, only your reputation.
And this is when I started to think about the what ifs on my journey to, destination... dad.
Ashley and I were on the way to my softball games on this lovely Tuesday afternoon. I was driving down Lynnhaven Parkway when all of a sudden I had to lock up my brakes while going 45 mph because a little black dog ran out into the street. I didn't hit the dog, but it got me thinking. What if I did? Do you know the repercussions I would have to face from this hormonal pregnant fiance of mine? Well let me tell you exactly what would have happened had I hit and killed this dog.
The truck would have come to a stop and I would have jumped out of the car to try and help this poor dog. Meanwhile, Ashley would have remained sitting in the car with her hands covering her eyes and doing her best impression of Dorothy's "There's no place like home." scene from The Wizard of Oz. Now to make a long story short, the dog went to heaven, because that's where all dogs go (duh) and after I do whatever I have to do about the dog (not important) I get back in the truck. After I get in the truck Ashley would still have her hands covering her face and she would have a huge puddle of tears in her lap. I would try to talk to her but she wouldn't say a word to me. So instead of going to my games I would take her home since she needs some comforting. When we get home she would go straight upstairs and lay in bed with her face in the pillow as if she was 16 again and just got dumped. Now remember, she doesn't know this dog, she couldn't even tell you the breed, but she is so sad that he or she is now gone from this world. So sad in fact that it is now affecting her life. She would lay in bed for days, she would miss work, and she still wouldn't be speaking to me, because in her eyes I am now the "Doggy Killer." Because she is acting the way she is, and not talking to me, she would start to make me feel guilty about hitting this dog. I would have to find someway for me to make her happy again and forget about the dog we don't even know the name of. And the only way I know how to do that is to get her another puppy. Now how this works I don't know. Because it's not like I created a brand new puppy using the ashes of the old one, and I'm not resurrecting the dog in any way. Whether we have a new puppy or not, that dog is still dead, but not in the eyes of this hormonal train wreck I call my fiance.
But what really happened? I stopped in time, the dog ran out of the street without getting hit, Ashley saw the kids that were chasing the dog, and proceeded to yell out the window at them, "If you don't run after him, he won't run from you! Dumb kids!"
Tip #22: Travel everywhere using a segway. Your not going to hurt any animals with that, only your reputation.
And this is when I started to think about the what ifs on my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
The Registry: May 28, 2011
Babies R' Us, Walmart, and Target, this is where I spent my day off walking around scanning items for the registry. Babies R' Us took us half the day alone, which is why I didn't understand why we had to go to Walmart and Target as well. Babies R' Us had everything we needed but we purposely didn't scan certain items so we could scan them at Walmart or Target, not my idea. So we had to remember what we scanned at the previous stores so we didn't also scan them at the current store. By the end of the day I didn't want to see a diaper or a burp cloth for at least a month.
Ashley kept asking me which ones I wanted to get, of everything. I didn't care about anything except the stroller, car seat, and diaper bag. Because I didn't want to be the guy that is pushing around and carrying an all bright pink Hello Kitty stroller and diaper bag. It'll clash my style. So I told Ashley we needed to get neutral colors so we could use the same stuff for our next baby as well. Also, I decided to scan the Eddie Bauer diaper bag. Not only was it one of the cheapest ones, but I will be styling when carrying that around, or as much as a newly-dad can.
While at Babies R' Us Ashley knocked down a whole rack of burp clothes while trying to scan them. I of course high tailed it the other way pretending I didn't know her. We of course were laughing to tears until Ashley was done laugh-crying and started to emotional-cry. I was like what is wrong and her only reply was, "I don't know!" So here we are in the middle of Babies R' Us and I'm standing next to a crying pregnant woman. I bet I could have won boyfriend of the day if they took a vote amongst guests.
While at Walmart I told Ashley we needed to go to the electronics. She said, "Of course we do." She said that because no matter what we go to Walmart for, I always have to go walk around electronics. I like to stare at the 55' Samsung 3D LED TV and imagine it in my living room. But Ashley didn't know that I wasn't going to just walk around, I was going to scan items for the registry. I started picking up bluray DVDs and to scan them. Ashley starts freaking out and asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was adding Disney bluray movies to the registry. She asked why in a panic voice like I was ruining the registry and no one would buy anything when they saw bluray DVDs on the registry. I told her, "Kherington will love Disney movies! All kids love Disney movies! Especially when they are in high-def!"
Tip #21: Make sure you find something to add to the registry that you will also enjoy. Remember it isn't all about the little one, it's also about the people taking care of her.
And this is when I realized how much stuff will be waiting for me when I get home from my journey to, destination... dad.
Ashley kept asking me which ones I wanted to get, of everything. I didn't care about anything except the stroller, car seat, and diaper bag. Because I didn't want to be the guy that is pushing around and carrying an all bright pink Hello Kitty stroller and diaper bag. It'll clash my style. So I told Ashley we needed to get neutral colors so we could use the same stuff for our next baby as well. Also, I decided to scan the Eddie Bauer diaper bag. Not only was it one of the cheapest ones, but I will be styling when carrying that around, or as much as a newly-dad can.
While at Babies R' Us Ashley knocked down a whole rack of burp clothes while trying to scan them. I of course high tailed it the other way pretending I didn't know her. We of course were laughing to tears until Ashley was done laugh-crying and started to emotional-cry. I was like what is wrong and her only reply was, "I don't know!" So here we are in the middle of Babies R' Us and I'm standing next to a crying pregnant woman. I bet I could have won boyfriend of the day if they took a vote amongst guests.
While at Walmart I told Ashley we needed to go to the electronics. She said, "Of course we do." She said that because no matter what we go to Walmart for, I always have to go walk around electronics. I like to stare at the 55' Samsung 3D LED TV and imagine it in my living room. But Ashley didn't know that I wasn't going to just walk around, I was going to scan items for the registry. I started picking up bluray DVDs and to scan them. Ashley starts freaking out and asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was adding Disney bluray movies to the registry. She asked why in a panic voice like I was ruining the registry and no one would buy anything when they saw bluray DVDs on the registry. I told her, "Kherington will love Disney movies! All kids love Disney movies! Especially when they are in high-def!"
Tip #21: Make sure you find something to add to the registry that you will also enjoy. Remember it isn't all about the little one, it's also about the people taking care of her.
And this is when I realized how much stuff will be waiting for me when I get home from my journey to, destination... dad.
Friday, May 20, 2011
The Wedding: May 20th, 2011
When I had asked Ashley to marry me "The Deed" was done but "The Test" wasn't. I kept telling Ashley I wasn't going to propose to her until after I got my tax money back because I didn't have the money to buy her an engagement ring. It was just my way of making sure she was not expecting a ring anytime soon, so that way when I did propose to her it was like an 18-wheeler hit her while walking through Walmart, completely unexpected! (Although with all the pictures of people in Walmarts on the internet nothing would be unexpected there) But when we had talked about trying for a baby she had said she didn't want people to think that the only reason I asked her to marry me was because we were going to have a baby together. I told her people wouldn't and even if they did who cares because her and I both know that isn't the real reason.
So then after "The Test" took place Ashley and I discussed the wedding date. I wanted to get married within a year because I didn't want to be that guy who looks like he doesn't want to commit but because his girlfriend was complaining about not having a ring he proposed and is engaged for three years. So Ashley and I contemplated dates when I finally said March 3rd, 2012. I picked this date because it's cool to say, 3/3/12. A cool and fun date to say means it will be a cool and fun date to remember, already planning ahead.
Ashley had a problem with the wedding date at first since it only gave her five months t0 lose the baby pounds. But I told her she could do it and pumped her up with motivation, I also used the people from The Biggest Loser as examples, telling her if they can do it she can do it. She believed in herself and what I was telling her and the wedding was on. She went through a month of looking at nothing but wedding websites and kept asking my opinion about different things for the wedding.
Then I think it finally set in, she was starting to feel like Precious (she is going to kill me) and realized that five months would be way to difficult, it wasn't enough time. So after much deliberation, meaning her telling me we weren't getting married in March of '12, we decided on a different date for good reasons. We decided to get married on October 13, 2012. As I said before in "The Announcement" Ashley's nephew was born on December 10th. And throughout my entire sports career I have always worn the number 13. So our wedding date has my sports number and the birthday of Ashley's nephew in it, 10/13/12.
Tip #20: Don't tell her she looks like Precious and give her all the time she needs to lose the baby pounds.
And this is when I realized that my expedition starts October 3rd, 2011 after the completion of my journey to, destination... dad.
So then after "The Test" took place Ashley and I discussed the wedding date. I wanted to get married within a year because I didn't want to be that guy who looks like he doesn't want to commit but because his girlfriend was complaining about not having a ring he proposed and is engaged for three years. So Ashley and I contemplated dates when I finally said March 3rd, 2012. I picked this date because it's cool to say, 3/3/12. A cool and fun date to say means it will be a cool and fun date to remember, already planning ahead.
Ashley had a problem with the wedding date at first since it only gave her five months t0 lose the baby pounds. But I told her she could do it and pumped her up with motivation, I also used the people from The Biggest Loser as examples, telling her if they can do it she can do it. She believed in herself and what I was telling her and the wedding was on. She went through a month of looking at nothing but wedding websites and kept asking my opinion about different things for the wedding.
Then I think it finally set in, she was starting to feel like Precious (she is going to kill me) and realized that five months would be way to difficult, it wasn't enough time. So after much deliberation, meaning her telling me we weren't getting married in March of '12, we decided on a different date for good reasons. We decided to get married on October 13, 2012. As I said before in "The Announcement" Ashley's nephew was born on December 10th. And throughout my entire sports career I have always worn the number 13. So our wedding date has my sports number and the birthday of Ashley's nephew in it, 10/13/12.
Tip #20: Don't tell her she looks like Precious and give her all the time she needs to lose the baby pounds.
And this is when I realized that my expedition starts October 3rd, 2011 after the completion of my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
The Drugs: May 12th, 2011
A sick pregnant woman is a sad story, because if Ashley were too get sick there is only a limited number of medications that she can take. Which means she will be even more miserable than she already is when she's sick. So I made it through 20 weeks without a cough, only congestion as I discussed in the previous entry titled The Snoring. Could I really make it through the entire pregnancy without a cold? I mean I am 50% of the way there, could I be that lucky? No.
Ashley had been suffering from a cold for almost a week and Benedryl was causing her to lose sleep. She was having an opposite reaction to the drowsiness, which happens to some pregnant woman. So she called her doctor and found out that she could take Sudafed without the PE at the end. We went to the Rite-Aid down the street and they did not have the actual Sudafed brand but the Rite-Aid brand instead. We talked to the Pharmacist and he said that she can take the PE version as long as it didn't have this 20 letter long word that started with PH. Which on the front of the box it said "Physifhjnbskfchpasin" free. So we bought them but Ashley was still nervous about taking them, so while in the car I told her to look it up on her phone to ease her mind, which she then found out it was a no-go for anything with PE at the end. Ashley was pissed, she said, "Why the hell is that guy a pharmacist! He could have killed me!"
We then went to Walgreens to find the Sudafed she can take, she immediately found it, picked up the little slip to take the Pharmacy and of course they were closed. She said, "Someone has to be able to give me some." and I told her, "Ya, the pharmacist." So she takes the slip to the front register and ask the woman who replies, "Only the pharmacist can give you this, I don't have a key." Ashley then takes the little slip, throws it on the counter and says, "This is stupid! It's 4:55! Who actually leaves work at five o'clock! Where the hell am I supposed to get some Sudafed!? I can't sleep!" as she walks out the door. I followed her but first apologized to the two cashiers and explained to them that she is pregnant. Once we got to the car Ashley exploded, "Really!? 4:55 and she is gone!? She probably never leaves work early because she doesn't have a life, but today of all days she decides she's going to leave exactly at five o'clock to screw the pregnant woman who needs some Sudafed!" I told Ashley that I completely agree and think that is exactly what happened.
We drive to Harris Teeter, same thing, grabs the slip, takes it to the pharmacy, and they're closed. Ashley just drops the slip in the middle of the isle, walks away and starts mumbling. I just follow like a little minion from Despicable Me. I don't care what she is saying, who she is cursing, or where we are going, I only care about making sure I am in her view if she looks back. We get to the car and she starts cursing out the methamphetamine addicts who are the reason Sudafed is an over the counter drug. This hatred towards meth addicts goes on until we get to the next Rite-Aid, I endure a good 10-15 minutes worth of methhead bashing.
We park at the next Rite-Aid and I am praying to God while walking in that they have the Sudafed. Ashley grabs the slip and takes it to the pharmacy, which is open. She hands the slip to the pharmacist and the pharmacist says, "We don't have Sudafed we only have the Rite-Aid brand." Ashley replies, "Of course you don't. As long as it doesn't have PE at the end then I can take it, my doctor just says I can't take anything with PE at the end." The pharmacist asks why not the PE and Ashley tells her because she is pregnant. Then both of the pharmacist tell Ashley that Sudafed is not OK to take if you are pregnant. Ashley screams, "What the f***! I just won't sleep at all then! That work for you! Have a great day!" I told Ashley to call her doctor because obviously he told her it was OK, so I told her to just double check. She calls the doctor and he says some people say you can't take Sudafed when pregnant because it is considered a category C medication. Which means studies have shown that it causes adverse affects to reproduction in animals but there have been no studies done on humans. So basically nobody knows! Now that Ashley has an answer from her doctor that she can take Sudafed she goes back into Rite-Aid and is now the nicest person ever. She apologizes to both pharmacist and even the guest who witnessed her go crazy. She gets to the car, takes a Sudafed, and is now back to the loving fiance that I know.
Tip #19: Put her in a bubble like Bubble Boy so she will never get sick.
And this is when I started to apologize to random strangers on my journey to, destination... dad.
Ashley had been suffering from a cold for almost a week and Benedryl was causing her to lose sleep. She was having an opposite reaction to the drowsiness, which happens to some pregnant woman. So she called her doctor and found out that she could take Sudafed without the PE at the end. We went to the Rite-Aid down the street and they did not have the actual Sudafed brand but the Rite-Aid brand instead. We talked to the Pharmacist and he said that she can take the PE version as long as it didn't have this 20 letter long word that started with PH. Which on the front of the box it said "Physifhjnbskfchpasin" free. So we bought them but Ashley was still nervous about taking them, so while in the car I told her to look it up on her phone to ease her mind, which she then found out it was a no-go for anything with PE at the end. Ashley was pissed, she said, "Why the hell is that guy a pharmacist! He could have killed me!"
We then went to Walgreens to find the Sudafed she can take, she immediately found it, picked up the little slip to take the Pharmacy and of course they were closed. She said, "Someone has to be able to give me some." and I told her, "Ya, the pharmacist." So she takes the slip to the front register and ask the woman who replies, "Only the pharmacist can give you this, I don't have a key." Ashley then takes the little slip, throws it on the counter and says, "This is stupid! It's 4:55! Who actually leaves work at five o'clock! Where the hell am I supposed to get some Sudafed!? I can't sleep!" as she walks out the door. I followed her but first apologized to the two cashiers and explained to them that she is pregnant. Once we got to the car Ashley exploded, "Really!? 4:55 and she is gone!? She probably never leaves work early because she doesn't have a life, but today of all days she decides she's going to leave exactly at five o'clock to screw the pregnant woman who needs some Sudafed!" I told Ashley that I completely agree and think that is exactly what happened.
We drive to Harris Teeter, same thing, grabs the slip, takes it to the pharmacy, and they're closed. Ashley just drops the slip in the middle of the isle, walks away and starts mumbling. I just follow like a little minion from Despicable Me. I don't care what she is saying, who she is cursing, or where we are going, I only care about making sure I am in her view if she looks back. We get to the car and she starts cursing out the methamphetamine addicts who are the reason Sudafed is an over the counter drug. This hatred towards meth addicts goes on until we get to the next Rite-Aid, I endure a good 10-15 minutes worth of methhead bashing.
We park at the next Rite-Aid and I am praying to God while walking in that they have the Sudafed. Ashley grabs the slip and takes it to the pharmacy, which is open. She hands the slip to the pharmacist and the pharmacist says, "We don't have Sudafed we only have the Rite-Aid brand." Ashley replies, "Of course you don't. As long as it doesn't have PE at the end then I can take it, my doctor just says I can't take anything with PE at the end." The pharmacist asks why not the PE and Ashley tells her because she is pregnant. Then both of the pharmacist tell Ashley that Sudafed is not OK to take if you are pregnant. Ashley screams, "What the f***! I just won't sleep at all then! That work for you! Have a great day!" I told Ashley to call her doctor because obviously he told her it was OK, so I told her to just double check. She calls the doctor and he says some people say you can't take Sudafed when pregnant because it is considered a category C medication. Which means studies have shown that it causes adverse affects to reproduction in animals but there have been no studies done on humans. So basically nobody knows! Now that Ashley has an answer from her doctor that she can take Sudafed she goes back into Rite-Aid and is now the nicest person ever. She apologizes to both pharmacist and even the guest who witnessed her go crazy. She gets to the car, takes a Sudafed, and is now back to the loving fiance that I know.
Tip #19: Put her in a bubble like Bubble Boy so she will never get sick.
And this is when I started to apologize to random strangers on my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
The Nursery: May 7th, 2011
Ashley has been asking when I was going to clean out the extra bedroom where the nursery will be ever since she peed on the stick. I told her we had nine months to worry about that. Then nine months became seven, and now we are at five months and the nursery still has not been cleaned out. It is basically our junk room, like an extra large Flintstone closet.
After Christmas was over it was too much of a hassle for me to take the tree and decorations out to the shed or up to the attic. (Now when I say too much of a hassle I don't mean that it was too hard, I mean it was more like an inconvenience. Like the post-2008 Shaq getting back on defense.) So I instead just put everything in the extra bedroom along with the two TVs that Ashley brought over with her when she moved in. I don't know why we still have these TVs, they arn't old LCD TVs that way a ton. They are like the old Zenith I-got-to-get-up-and-change-the-channel-and-then-adjust-the-rabbit-ears-to-get-a-good-picture TVs. Why do we still have them I do not know. If I tried to give them to the salvation army they would say, "No."
So here we are, five months away from the day, and instead of cleaning out the room I am blogging about it. But I have to say I do my best work when under pressure. I got through 12 years of grade school and six years of college procrastinating. I like to consider myself the king of procrastination. So expect another blog at a later date about Ashley flipping out on me because I still have not cleaned out the room. The blog might even be posted on or around her due date.
Tip #18: Start making plans for the room... NOW!
And this is when I started my Sudoku puzzle when I should have been thinking about the landing on my journey to, destination... dad.
After Christmas was over it was too much of a hassle for me to take the tree and decorations out to the shed or up to the attic. (Now when I say too much of a hassle I don't mean that it was too hard, I mean it was more like an inconvenience. Like the post-2008 Shaq getting back on defense.) So I instead just put everything in the extra bedroom along with the two TVs that Ashley brought over with her when she moved in. I don't know why we still have these TVs, they arn't old LCD TVs that way a ton. They are like the old Zenith I-got-to-get-up-and-change-the-channel-and-then-adjust-the-rabbit-ears-to-get-a-good-picture TVs. Why do we still have them I do not know. If I tried to give them to the salvation army they would say, "No."
So here we are, five months away from the day, and instead of cleaning out the room I am blogging about it. But I have to say I do my best work when under pressure. I got through 12 years of grade school and six years of college procrastinating. I like to consider myself the king of procrastination. So expect another blog at a later date about Ashley flipping out on me because I still have not cleaned out the room. The blog might even be posted on or around her due date.
Tip #18: Start making plans for the room... NOW!
And this is when I started my Sudoku puzzle when I should have been thinking about the landing on my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Sex: April 30th, 2011
This is the day! I never thought I would be this excited about a day that wasn't Opening Day or Selection Sunday or the Superbowl or any day that involves sports for that matter. But this day surpassed any of those, and I never knew that was possible. Sports have and I thought always would be my life, sorry Ashley, but today I realized that there is now someone coming that will be more important than any buzzer beater or walk-off home run.
So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.
"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"
That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.
Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.
And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.
So as you can see I had been waiting for this day ever since the last OBGYN visit. Well lets just say the nurse wasn't exactly game show host material. This is a huge day for us and she knows that. What parents walk in and say in a monotone voice, "I can't wait to find out what we are having." Everyone is excited about this moment, even the dead beat dad whose only worry is that he has to have sex with the same women for the rest of his life, he still cares if it is a boy or girl. Or the sixteen year old boy who didn't pay attention in sex ed and didn't know how to put a condom on so because he didn't want to look stupid he skipped that part of fore play and now just threw away his dream of becoming a professional ball player, he still cares if it a boy or girl. Even the mom who is a surrogate mother cares! So when the nurse says, "OK, let's find out what you are having." and then in the most boring way possible says, "It's a girl." Really? That's what all this excitement was for? For you to give me the biggest news of my life in a response that I get from a waiter when I ask whether they have Pepsi or Coke products? So this got me thinking, what would it sound like if the guy from The Price is Right announced to you what you are having.
"You are having... a baby girl! Say goodbye to those eight hours of sleep nights because this girl comes with a full operating digestive system that will have you changing diapers in your sleep. She also comes with lungs that could cry for hours and will alert you whenever she is hungry. And in a couple of years be ready to go out in public with her while she is wearing a pink princess dress, because when you try to take it off, she will cry until you put it back on. Wait there's more, because in 16 years you will be looking into buying a shotgun and telling your wife it's your new hobby, even though you will never fire it. But you will be cleaning it whenever your daughter's date comes by to pick her up. But that's not all, in another 10 years you will have a head full of gray hair while having to walk her down the aisle and give up the most important girl in your life. Congratulations!"
That is the kind of OBGYN office I want to go too! Our OBGYN shows us three lines on the ultrasound and tells us that it's a girl, so I ask, "What do the three lines mean?" She paused for a moment and then said, "They are the lady parts." She acted as if I was being perverted and was going to laugh like a stoned hippie if she would have said the words vagina or clitoris. (Ashley told me what the three lines were after we left.) I didn't know what I was looking at on the ultrasound, ever. She showed us her face, and it was so weird looking that the only thing I could think of was the scene from Species where the alien rips through the girl's stomach. So no, I didn't know what the three lines were, but I do now, thanks to the Hitler of OBGYNs.
Tip #17: Don't ask questions at the OBGYN office, it will be assumed that you are a pervert.
And this is when I found out who would be waiting for me at the gate when I land from my journey to, destination... dad.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Snoring: April 20th, 2011
Ever since Ashley starting spending nights at my house she complained about my snoring. In the middle of the night she would shove me to wake me up because my snoring woke her up. If I could I would stop snoring, but nobody has control over that. I would get so mad at her for waking me up when I was obviously in a good state of REM since I was snoring. Well you know what they say about paybacks.
I don't know what causes it but pregnant women snore, or at least my pregnant woman does. But it's not like a Fred Flintstone snore, it's even worse. It is actually heavy breathing with an occasional snort mixed in. This is so much worse because with a traditional snore you know what you are getting. With Ashley's kind of snoring, once I get used to the breathing and am just getting comfortable and ready to fall asleep the snort comes in and makes me jump as if someone just hit me with a defibrillator. I feel like I am sleeping next to a scientist in a Hazmat suit getting ready to check the radiation levels in Chernobyl. (More people would have been able to relate to Japan instead of Chernobyl, but it's just too soon.)
Ashley then realizes that she has developed allergies, which a lot of pregnant women do. So she decides to go buy these breathe right strips to help her breathing. Now lets just say I never really put two and two together with these nasal strips. I just thought it was a great idea because I figured she wouldn't breathe loud while sleeping anymore, but it never clicked that she would actually be wearing the nasal strip. So I come home from work one day to see that my pregnant fiance now looks like NFL middle linebacker Brian Urlacher. I didn't talk back that night in fear she would call an all out blitz and hit me from my blindside.
Tip #16: Your significant other will change throughout her pregnancy... a lot. But whether she becomes a scientist, a linebacker or even your own worst enemy, I promise you will love her more and more every single day no matter what.
And this is when I realized that sleep would not come easy on my journey to, destination... dad.
I don't know what causes it but pregnant women snore, or at least my pregnant woman does. But it's not like a Fred Flintstone snore, it's even worse. It is actually heavy breathing with an occasional snort mixed in. This is so much worse because with a traditional snore you know what you are getting. With Ashley's kind of snoring, once I get used to the breathing and am just getting comfortable and ready to fall asleep the snort comes in and makes me jump as if someone just hit me with a defibrillator. I feel like I am sleeping next to a scientist in a Hazmat suit getting ready to check the radiation levels in Chernobyl. (More people would have been able to relate to Japan instead of Chernobyl, but it's just too soon.)
Ashley then realizes that she has developed allergies, which a lot of pregnant women do. So she decides to go buy these breathe right strips to help her breathing. Now lets just say I never really put two and two together with these nasal strips. I just thought it was a great idea because I figured she wouldn't breathe loud while sleeping anymore, but it never clicked that she would actually be wearing the nasal strip. So I come home from work one day to see that my pregnant fiance now looks like NFL middle linebacker Brian Urlacher. I didn't talk back that night in fear she would call an all out blitz and hit me from my blindside.
Tip #16: Your significant other will change throughout her pregnancy... a lot. But whether she becomes a scientist, a linebacker or even your own worst enemy, I promise you will love her more and more every single day no matter what.
And this is when I realized that sleep would not come easy on my journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Leftovers: April 12th, 2011
On Tuesdays and Thursdays I am in class all day and usually when I get home Ashley has cooked dinner for me. So today she cooks me chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. Perfect dinner for me since I am a meat and potatoes kind of guy. Well for those of you who know me, I don't eat just one plate. Ashley had already gotten her second plate when I got up to get more. Ashley tells me not to eat anymore chicken because she needs it for lunch tomorrow. So I agreed because I am a great guy, so I go to get some mashed potatoes and I put my corn on my mashed potatoes as does Ashley. After putting my corn on top of my mashed potatoes I realized there was only about one spoon full of corn left, so instead of just leaving that left in the pot because Ashley will yell at me for that, I put the last spoon full on my mashed potatoes. When I sit down the conversation starts:
Ashley: "You ate all of the corn didn't you!"
Me: "There was only a spoon full left after I put my corn on my mashed potatoes so I just put the last spoon full on there too."
Ashley: "Now what am I supposed to eat with my chicken tomorrow?"
Me: "There are mashed potatoes in there."
Ashley: "OK, and?"
Me: "You can eat that with your chicken."
Ashley: "I can't believe you did that!"
Me: "Did what? Eat? You told me not to grab anymore chicken, and as hard as that was for me, I didn't. You didn't say anything about the mashed potatoes or the corn. As far as I am concerned they were fair game."
Ashley: "Whatever"
Me: (Pushing the plate towards her) "Here take it and use it for lunch tomorrow. All I am going to do is over eat anyways."
Ashley: "No the mashed potatoes and corn are mixed together."
Me: "OK, and that is how you eat them, so I saved you some labor tomorrow before you eat."
Ashley: "I don't want them mixed already."
Me: "What does it matter?!?! What the corn juice makes the mashed potatoes mushy?!?!"
Ashley: "It's just the point"
If you have absolutely no clue what just happened, that is completely OK because I was in the conversation and still have no clue what happened.
Tip #15: Starve if you are still hungry after your first plate because she might go Saudi Arabia on you and cut your tongue off for eating her leftovers.
And this is when I realized that I only get one serving of food on my journey to, destination... dad.
Ashley: "You ate all of the corn didn't you!"
Me: "There was only a spoon full left after I put my corn on my mashed potatoes so I just put the last spoon full on there too."
Ashley: "Now what am I supposed to eat with my chicken tomorrow?"
Me: "There are mashed potatoes in there."
Ashley: "OK, and?"
Me: "You can eat that with your chicken."
Ashley: "I can't believe you did that!"
Me: "Did what? Eat? You told me not to grab anymore chicken, and as hard as that was for me, I didn't. You didn't say anything about the mashed potatoes or the corn. As far as I am concerned they were fair game."
Ashley: "Whatever"
Me: (Pushing the plate towards her) "Here take it and use it for lunch tomorrow. All I am going to do is over eat anyways."
Ashley: "No the mashed potatoes and corn are mixed together."
Me: "OK, and that is how you eat them, so I saved you some labor tomorrow before you eat."
Ashley: "I don't want them mixed already."
Me: "What does it matter?!?! What the corn juice makes the mashed potatoes mushy?!?!"
Ashley: "It's just the point"
If you have absolutely no clue what just happened, that is completely OK because I was in the conversation and still have no clue what happened.
Tip #15: Starve if you are still hungry after your first plate because she might go Saudi Arabia on you and cut your tongue off for eating her leftovers.
And this is when I realized that I only get one serving of food on my journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The Feelings: April 5th, 2011
As I stated before, we sold Ashley's two door truck and bought a four door truck. Well I wish everything happened as easy as typing that sentence. We had the truck for approximately a month when I drove it for the first time since buying it. Within minutes I noticed a vibration when breaking. I asked Ashley if she felt the vibration and she replied, "Felt what?" So I explained to her I was feeling a vibration when stopping and told her to pay attention the next time we stopped. So while breaking the next time I had to get her attention and remind her again to pay attention because she has her moments like the dog Doug from the movie Up, "Squirrel!" So after she feels the vibration she says, "What is that?" I told her that I'm pretty sure it's the brakes and asked her why she didn't feel that before. She replied, "I didn't know I was supposed too."
So after fixing the break pads and rotors, Ashley called me about a month later on her way home from work and said the truck was feeling like it was going to stall out. She said she didn't feel comfortable driving it so I told her to pull over and I would come look at it. When I got there the truck wouldn't start. So I called to have the truck towed to a repair shop. Come to find out the timing belt snapped and the distributor went bad. While on the way home from having her truck towed, Ashley was sitting in the passenger seat pouting like a teen would if I had just grounded her from her truck. I told Ashley not to be mad because we can't do anything about it now, she yells, "Don't tell me how to feel!" Now when Ashley goes through her hormonal moods I tend to have fun with them, I know it's just like using a Caterpillar to dig my hole, but no matter how deep I get the hole after about an hour she will supply me with a ladder. So here is our conversation:
Ashley: "Don't tell me how to feel!"
Me: "I'm not telling you how to feel, I'm telling you how not to feel."
Ashley: "Rickey don't play with me!"
Me: "I'm not, I'm being serious. There is nothing we can do about it except pay to fix whatever is wrong with it. So by you getting upset your just making the situation worse."
Ashley: "Don't tell me how to feel!"
Me: "I didn't tell you how to feel, I only shared my opinion that time"
Then she realizes that if she just stops talking I will too.
Tip #14: Don't tell her how to feel!
And this is when I wish I could just sleep the entire time on my journey too, destination... dad.
So after fixing the break pads and rotors, Ashley called me about a month later on her way home from work and said the truck was feeling like it was going to stall out. She said she didn't feel comfortable driving it so I told her to pull over and I would come look at it. When I got there the truck wouldn't start. So I called to have the truck towed to a repair shop. Come to find out the timing belt snapped and the distributor went bad. While on the way home from having her truck towed, Ashley was sitting in the passenger seat pouting like a teen would if I had just grounded her from her truck. I told Ashley not to be mad because we can't do anything about it now, she yells, "Don't tell me how to feel!" Now when Ashley goes through her hormonal moods I tend to have fun with them, I know it's just like using a Caterpillar to dig my hole, but no matter how deep I get the hole after about an hour she will supply me with a ladder. So here is our conversation:
Ashley: "Don't tell me how to feel!"
Me: "I'm not telling you how to feel, I'm telling you how not to feel."
Ashley: "Rickey don't play with me!"
Me: "I'm not, I'm being serious. There is nothing we can do about it except pay to fix whatever is wrong with it. So by you getting upset your just making the situation worse."
Ashley: "Don't tell me how to feel!"
Me: "I didn't tell you how to feel, I only shared my opinion that time"
Then she realizes that if she just stops talking I will too.
Tip #14: Don't tell her how to feel!
And this is when I wish I could just sleep the entire time on my journey too, destination... dad.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Budget: March 30th, 2011
As I stated before, I stress about money more than I should because most of the time it is completely unnecessary. My dad taught me a lot when it comes to saving money and only buying what you can afford. So a lot of the times I feel like I am broke but that is because I put more than I should have into my savings account and I just act as if it is not there so I stress when I only have $50 to spend for one week.
Of course everyone knows that a baby is not a cheap adventure in life. It is expensive and it is long, but before Ashley and I decided to try for a baby I played with the numbers and came to the conclusion that we could afford one. Then of course a month later my hours at work get cut and I start to freak out as if she is going to pop the TBD baby out within the week and I immediately have to by him/her a car. I mean I got nine months to prepare for this, right?
I decided to make some sacrifices that I knew I was going to have too make. I cancelled my monthly subscription to my satellite radio service, cancelled HBO/Cinemax, and stopped my monthly donation to the local gym. I almost thought about cancelling my XBOX Live membership, but noticed how I only almost thought about it. We also sold Ashley's two door pick-up truck and bought her a four door truck and are currently in the process of trying to sell my two door sports car for a four door sedan. All of this in only three months, whats next?
Tip #13: Make sure you have a plan already in place when it comes to money.
And this is when I had to sacrifice my first class seat for coach on my journey to, destination... dad.
Of course everyone knows that a baby is not a cheap adventure in life. It is expensive and it is long, but before Ashley and I decided to try for a baby I played with the numbers and came to the conclusion that we could afford one. Then of course a month later my hours at work get cut and I start to freak out as if she is going to pop the TBD baby out within the week and I immediately have to by him/her a car. I mean I got nine months to prepare for this, right?
I decided to make some sacrifices that I knew I was going to have too make. I cancelled my monthly subscription to my satellite radio service, cancelled HBO/Cinemax, and stopped my monthly donation to the local gym. I almost thought about cancelling my XBOX Live membership, but noticed how I only almost thought about it. We also sold Ashley's two door pick-up truck and bought her a four door truck and are currently in the process of trying to sell my two door sports car for a four door sedan. All of this in only three months, whats next?
Tip #13: Make sure you have a plan already in place when it comes to money.
And this is when I had to sacrifice my first class seat for coach on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Announcement: March 24th, 2011
Ashley and I decided to wait until after she finished her first trimester to make the full announcement to everyone. Before we told everyone there were only a handful of people that knew. We each told one person the morning the test came back positive, and we told our parents within a month.
When we told my parents, Ashley stressed out afterwards because she didn't think my mom was excited. I told her that she was but this is some big news to swallow. I think Ashley was expecting my mom to scream and run around like she had just won the lottery. When I talked to my mom later, she says she doesn't think she showed excitement when my sister told her she was pregnant with each of her kids. She said that it has nothing to do with having another grandchild because she has no problem spoiling him or her, she was just worrying about Ashley and I more than anything. My mom knows that I stress more than I need to when it comes to money so she just doesn't want to see me kill myself over this, figuratively speaking that is, I promise I am not suicidal.
When we told Ashley's dad, I was more nervous than when I asked him for his daughter's hand in marriage. Yes I played the traditional card. On the way over there Ashley said, "I hope he is excited. Do you think he will be excited?" My response was, "I sure hope so because I don't have very good life insurance yet!" Ashley decided to just hand him the ultrasound picture and wait for his reaction. He was definitely excited but did not want to get too excited because of what happened to his only other grandchild. Ashley's sister had a baby boy, Jonathan Wentworth Jr., in 2004, but unfortunately only three months later Johnny passed away from SIDS. So Ashley's dad already got excited about his first grandchild when tragedy struck. That is what made telling Ashley's dad so special to the both of us.
When Ashley and I decided to tell everyone we both posted Facebook status' at the same time. I mean what other way is there to tell a mass amount of people at the same time? I can't imagine what it was like in 1999, having to call and talk to everyone, that sucks. Ashley's read, "Roses are red, Violets are blue, on October 2nd our little miracle is due." and mine read, "So I know it's only March but Ashley and I already know what we are going to be for Halloween... PARENTS!" Ashley got more comments and likes than I did, that was disappointing because it's very clear that everybody likes me more.
Tip #12: No matter how hard it is to tell people, it is such an awesome feeling when finally everybody knows.
And this is when everyone found out that I was on my journey to, destination... dad.
When we told my parents, Ashley stressed out afterwards because she didn't think my mom was excited. I told her that she was but this is some big news to swallow. I think Ashley was expecting my mom to scream and run around like she had just won the lottery. When I talked to my mom later, she says she doesn't think she showed excitement when my sister told her she was pregnant with each of her kids. She said that it has nothing to do with having another grandchild because she has no problem spoiling him or her, she was just worrying about Ashley and I more than anything. My mom knows that I stress more than I need to when it comes to money so she just doesn't want to see me kill myself over this, figuratively speaking that is, I promise I am not suicidal.
When we told Ashley's dad, I was more nervous than when I asked him for his daughter's hand in marriage. Yes I played the traditional card. On the way over there Ashley said, "I hope he is excited. Do you think he will be excited?" My response was, "I sure hope so because I don't have very good life insurance yet!" Ashley decided to just hand him the ultrasound picture and wait for his reaction. He was definitely excited but did not want to get too excited because of what happened to his only other grandchild. Ashley's sister had a baby boy, Jonathan Wentworth Jr., in 2004, but unfortunately only three months later Johnny passed away from SIDS. So Ashley's dad already got excited about his first grandchild when tragedy struck. That is what made telling Ashley's dad so special to the both of us.
When Ashley and I decided to tell everyone we both posted Facebook status' at the same time. I mean what other way is there to tell a mass amount of people at the same time? I can't imagine what it was like in 1999, having to call and talk to everyone, that sucks. Ashley's read, "Roses are red, Violets are blue, on October 2nd our little miracle is due." and mine read, "So I know it's only March but Ashley and I already know what we are going to be for Halloween... PARENTS!" Ashley got more comments and likes than I did, that was disappointing because it's very clear that everybody likes me more.
Tip #12: No matter how hard it is to tell people, it is such an awesome feeling when finally everybody knows.
And this is when everyone found out that I was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Bellyband: March 19th, 2011
I always fear that whenever the season changes, whether I go from jeans to shorts or shorts to jeans, that they will not fit because I either gained or lost weight over the past season. Usually I never have to worry about losing enough weight for it to matter, but I can not imagine going through that crisis with the same pair of jeans that I just wore a couple weeks ago. However even though it is not happening to me, it is happening to me.
Ashley can't button any of her pants. The only thing she can wear is yoga pants. This puts a damper on everything because now she doesn't want to go anywhere because she has nothing to wear. When I come home from work on the weekends I find her laying on the bed with my basketball shorts on because nothing else will fit her. So now I am stuck in the house because she can't go out without wearing pants.
Thank God for my sister! She told Ashley she has a bellyband, which to me sounds like that belt you wear that jiggles your fat but it is supposed to be burning fat and toning your abs (I watch TV till the morning hours and get up to date on my infomercials). But it is actually a stretchy piece of fabric that goes over your stomach and the top of your pants so you don't have to button your pants but covers your zipper so you do not look like a pervert. Someone is making a lot of money off of this and I am currently in the works to create one for guys. Think about it.
"Is your wife yelling at you because you didn't try on your suit pants until an hour before her companies Christmas party? Now you don't have anything to wear? Don't worry, because that's what the Keg Cover is for! Don't worry about trying to squeeze into those pants that have shrunk over the past year. Order the Keg Cover and be comfortable all night with no worry about popping off that button if you eat too much. The Keg Cover is 100% polyester and is made to stretch. It can also double as a replacement for that tight under shirt you wear to try and minimize your over hang but at the same time won't increase your body's temperature like a full t-shirt does!"
Tip #11: You will get the sudden urge to become an entrepreneur when you have a child on the way. Because you are trying to think of a way to become a millionaire before the baby is born.
And this when I started to worry about how I am going to pay for the flight on my journey to, destination... dad.
Ashley can't button any of her pants. The only thing she can wear is yoga pants. This puts a damper on everything because now she doesn't want to go anywhere because she has nothing to wear. When I come home from work on the weekends I find her laying on the bed with my basketball shorts on because nothing else will fit her. So now I am stuck in the house because she can't go out without wearing pants.
Thank God for my sister! She told Ashley she has a bellyband, which to me sounds like that belt you wear that jiggles your fat but it is supposed to be burning fat and toning your abs (I watch TV till the morning hours and get up to date on my infomercials). But it is actually a stretchy piece of fabric that goes over your stomach and the top of your pants so you don't have to button your pants but covers your zipper so you do not look like a pervert. Someone is making a lot of money off of this and I am currently in the works to create one for guys. Think about it.
"Is your wife yelling at you because you didn't try on your suit pants until an hour before her companies Christmas party? Now you don't have anything to wear? Don't worry, because that's what the Keg Cover is for! Don't worry about trying to squeeze into those pants that have shrunk over the past year. Order the Keg Cover and be comfortable all night with no worry about popping off that button if you eat too much. The Keg Cover is 100% polyester and is made to stretch. It can also double as a replacement for that tight under shirt you wear to try and minimize your over hang but at the same time won't increase your body's temperature like a full t-shirt does!"
Tip #11: You will get the sudden urge to become an entrepreneur when you have a child on the way. Because you are trying to think of a way to become a millionaire before the baby is born.
And this when I started to worry about how I am going to pay for the flight on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The App: March 10, 2011
Ashley had a Zach Morris phone ever since we started dating, it was actually a touchscreen phone but compared to my iPhone it was classified as Saved by the Bell material. So one day Ashley asked me, "I wonder what kind of apps they have for pregnancy." Since Ashley's phone didn't know what an app was I assumed she was talking about my phone. So I typed in pregnancy and downloaded all of the free apps for her to test out before she picked the right one. She came across one that she really liked, it gave a daily informational reading for the mother and occasionally had one for the father. So I deleted all the other ones and kept this app for her. When I introduced Ashley to the 21st century and bought her an iPhone for her birthday, the first thing she did was download the pregnancy app that was on my phone. This way she didn't have to keep asking for my phone to read it. It worked out perfectly until one day she forwarded me one of the daily informational readings for the father that read:
"With your partner's body busy building the placenta - your baby's life support system until delivery day - she's exhausted. So beat her to the vacuuming and dusting and the laundry and the toilet cleaning. (The cleaning product fumes will make her feel sicker, anyway.) Encourage her to watch your cleanup routine from a fully reclining position on the sofa. She (and her feet) will be thanking you."
You have got to be kidding me! Let me break down this entire paragraph one sentence at a time in a guy's head. "With your partner's body busy building the placenta - your baby's life support system until delivery day - she's exhausted." I like how they explained what a placenta was and then made sure to play the sympathy card by pointing out that it is for the baby. So now you are really cleaning the house for the baby not for her. "So beat her to the vacuuming and dusting and the laundry and the toilet cleaning. (The cleaning fumes will make her feel sicker, anyway.)" First they say the word 'beat' because we all know that every man loves some sort of competition, so by making it sound like a game he will agree to do it, wrong. We have evolved from the caveman stage of evolution believe it or not. Then they again play the sympathy card by adding in that the cleaning fumes will make her sicker, planting in the guys head that now he may have to clean up vomit along with the decreased chance of him getting laid. "Encourage her to watch your cleanup routine from a fully reclining position on the sofa. She (and her feet) will be thanking you." They say 'encourage her' as if she would argue with you telling her you are going to clean the house. Then they throw in the 'and her feet' part to plant in your head that you will get out of giving a foot rub later that night if you clean the house. This crap had to be written by a woman!
Tip #10: Stay away from the pregnancy apps and blogs written by woman. All the information and forewarning you need is written here in this blog.
And this is when I found that there were no flight attendants to clean up after me on my journey to, destination... dad.
"With your partner's body busy building the placenta - your baby's life support system until delivery day - she's exhausted. So beat her to the vacuuming and dusting and the laundry and the toilet cleaning. (The cleaning product fumes will make her feel sicker, anyway.) Encourage her to watch your cleanup routine from a fully reclining position on the sofa. She (and her feet) will be thanking you."
You have got to be kidding me! Let me break down this entire paragraph one sentence at a time in a guy's head. "With your partner's body busy building the placenta - your baby's life support system until delivery day - she's exhausted." I like how they explained what a placenta was and then made sure to play the sympathy card by pointing out that it is for the baby. So now you are really cleaning the house for the baby not for her. "So beat her to the vacuuming and dusting and the laundry and the toilet cleaning. (The cleaning fumes will make her feel sicker, anyway.)" First they say the word 'beat' because we all know that every man loves some sort of competition, so by making it sound like a game he will agree to do it, wrong. We have evolved from the caveman stage of evolution believe it or not. Then they again play the sympathy card by adding in that the cleaning fumes will make her sicker, planting in the guys head that now he may have to clean up vomit along with the decreased chance of him getting laid. "Encourage her to watch your cleanup routine from a fully reclining position on the sofa. She (and her feet) will be thanking you." They say 'encourage her' as if she would argue with you telling her you are going to clean the house. Then they throw in the 'and her feet' part to plant in your head that you will get out of giving a foot rub later that night if you clean the house. This crap had to be written by a woman!
Tip #10: Stay away from the pregnancy apps and blogs written by woman. All the information and forewarning you need is written here in this blog.
And this is when I found that there were no flight attendants to clean up after me on my journey to, destination... dad.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Crisis: March 8th, 2011
On your first day of school you walk around with your schedule repeatedly looking at the classroom number on the paper and the classroom numbers next to each door looking for a match, and that is OK because everyone else is doing it too. But come the second day you are walking down the hallway like you know where you are going with no paper in hand, cool and collected. When really you are doing nothing but repeating the classroom numbers in your head hoping you didn't mix two classroom numbers together and be that guy who walks into the wrong classroom, does the awkward stutter step, and walks out of the classroom hoping no one saw you even after you heard the laughter coming from the classroom while you walked away. That was me at the OBGYN for the second time. I walked in like I knew what I was doing, had the expression like "been here done that", knew where to sit, what magazines to pick up and read, but really in my head I was coaching myself through every step, even breathing. I was like a duck in a lake, on the surface everything is calm but underwater my feet are going crazy. But luckily 'The Crisis' is not about me this time, it's about Ashley not gaining any weight.
Yes, the crisis is Ashley did not gain any weight since her last OBGYN appointment, she actually lost a pound. Now why is this a crisis you ask? That is an excellent question, I do not know if it was necessarily a crisis for Ashley but she made it a crisis for me. That night after the OBGYN visit Ashley wanted to go to Sam's Club, and we bought over $200 worth of groceries! Ashley thought she wasn't eating right, she thought she was malnutrition since she had lost a pound. So we bought a cow, a pig, and a chicken coop along with a fruit and vegetable garden. I felt like we were starting Noah's Ark at home.
Tip #9: Cancel your membership to Sam's Club until after the first trimester is over.
And this is when I hit turbulence on my journey to, destination... dad.
Yes, the crisis is Ashley did not gain any weight since her last OBGYN appointment, she actually lost a pound. Now why is this a crisis you ask? That is an excellent question, I do not know if it was necessarily a crisis for Ashley but she made it a crisis for me. That night after the OBGYN visit Ashley wanted to go to Sam's Club, and we bought over $200 worth of groceries! Ashley thought she wasn't eating right, she thought she was malnutrition since she had lost a pound. So we bought a cow, a pig, and a chicken coop along with a fruit and vegetable garden. I felt like we were starting Noah's Ark at home.
Tip #9: Cancel your membership to Sam's Club until after the first trimester is over.
And this is when I hit turbulence on my journey to, destination... dad.
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Names: February 28th, 2011
People tell Ashley and I that we both take the role of the opposite sex. When people ask us what do we want to have, Ashley says a boy and I say a girl. So traditionally when the question "what name do we give our child" comes up, stereotypically Ashley should have said, "Well ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to name my son/daughter..." followed by a name. However, in this situation I was the one who said, "Well I have always wanted to name my daughter..."
In 2008, when I still lived at home, my mom used to always watch the reality competition So You Think You Can Dance. I always watched it with her because there were hot girls in little clothing. One year there was a (hot) girl on the show who's name I liked and ever since then I told my mom that I was one day going to name my daughter that.
So when Ashley and I were trying to decide on names I told her about the name I wanted to name my daughter. She liked the name and agreed, and I told her that I would like to name our son after me making him the III and we will call him 'Trey'. Ashley didn't like that idea, so to be fair to her I told her that she could decide on the name for our son. She then asked, "Well what about the middle names." I told her that she could pick the middle name for the girl and I will pick the middle name for the boy. That way we both have an input on both names. Well it didn't work out that way, she ended up picking both names for the boy and I ended up picking both names for the girl. So the verdict is...
Boy: Ethan Eli
Girl: Kherington Marie
Ethan Eli - Ashley picked these names for no reason, she just liked them. She decided to go with the letter 'E' for both names because my last name also starts with an 'E' so that way I can still call him Trey if I wanted too. However, when I hear the name Ethan I think about the creepy "Others" guy from Lost who infiltrated the survivors camp, kidnapped Claire and ran test on her baby. Then when I hear the name Eli I think of the only NFL quarterback that I could beat in an arm wrestling match.
Kherington Marie - As stated before the girl I got this name from, Kherington Payne, was on SYTYCD starred in the Fame remake. I like uncommon names but not I'll-never-ever-get-a-real-job-with-this-name names. I decided to give her the middle name Marie because it is currently Ashley's middle name but I told Ashley to make her middle name her maiden name and get rid of her middle name when we get married.
Tip #8: Never relate a name to someone you know or have seen on TV, because all you will do is think that your son is going to grow up to be a weak armed kidnapping baby tester.
And this is when I found out the possible name of my where my journey will end to, destination... dad.
In 2008, when I still lived at home, my mom used to always watch the reality competition So You Think You Can Dance. I always watched it with her because there were hot girls in little clothing. One year there was a (hot) girl on the show who's name I liked and ever since then I told my mom that I was one day going to name my daughter that.
So when Ashley and I were trying to decide on names I told her about the name I wanted to name my daughter. She liked the name and agreed, and I told her that I would like to name our son after me making him the III and we will call him 'Trey'. Ashley didn't like that idea, so to be fair to her I told her that she could decide on the name for our son. She then asked, "Well what about the middle names." I told her that she could pick the middle name for the girl and I will pick the middle name for the boy. That way we both have an input on both names. Well it didn't work out that way, she ended up picking both names for the boy and I ended up picking both names for the girl. So the verdict is...
Boy: Ethan Eli
Girl: Kherington Marie
Ethan Eli - Ashley picked these names for no reason, she just liked them. She decided to go with the letter 'E' for both names because my last name also starts with an 'E' so that way I can still call him Trey if I wanted too. However, when I hear the name Ethan I think about the creepy "Others" guy from Lost who infiltrated the survivors camp, kidnapped Claire and ran test on her baby. Then when I hear the name Eli I think of the only NFL quarterback that I could beat in an arm wrestling match.
Kherington Marie - As stated before the girl I got this name from, Kherington Payne, was on SYTYCD starred in the Fame remake. I like uncommon names but not I'll-never-ever-get-a-real-job-with-this-name names. I decided to give her the middle name Marie because it is currently Ashley's middle name but I told Ashley to make her middle name her maiden name and get rid of her middle name when we get married.
Tip #8: Never relate a name to someone you know or have seen on TV, because all you will do is think that your son is going to grow up to be a weak armed kidnapping baby tester.
And this is when I found out the possible name of my where my journey will end to, destination... dad.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Moods: February 23rd, 2011
No article, no advice, no one, could have prepared me for the mood swings that I have gone through in the past two months. In a matter of a second my house goes from Pleasantville to Pearl Harbor. The other day Ashley asks me to do the dishes and I said I would before I went to bed, mind you the basketball game was on. She falls asleep on the couch as I am watching the end of the basketball game, I wake her up to go upstairs to bed, forgetting all about the dishes. The next morning Kamikaze planes were crashing into my living room. Ashley is going ballistic, her mouth is like the machine gun on the Kamikaze plane and instead of just committing suicide and crashing into me she decides to shoot me with a thousand bullets first, making sure I feel the wrath.
Now Ashley knows what she signed up for, she knows I have been diagnosed by my father with CRS (Can't Remember Shit). I have to write my name on my hand before going to bed so I can remember it the next morning, not really, but you get the point. There have been plenty of instances before where I forgot to do the dishes, but none were more important to her than this night. These were special dishes, these were the Taj Mahal of dishes. She acted as if I didn't clean those dishes that night then mold was going to grow on them, she would then breathe in this moldy air as she was asleep and our baby would come out looking like the people from The Hills Have Eyes.
Tip #7: No matter how bad you want to shout at her the line, "F*** you hormones" from Knocked Up... don't.
And this is when I started to take on enemy aircraft on my journey to, destination... dad.
Now Ashley knows what she signed up for, she knows I have been diagnosed by my father with CRS (Can't Remember Shit). I have to write my name on my hand before going to bed so I can remember it the next morning, not really, but you get the point. There have been plenty of instances before where I forgot to do the dishes, but none were more important to her than this night. These were special dishes, these were the Taj Mahal of dishes. She acted as if I didn't clean those dishes that night then mold was going to grow on them, she would then breathe in this moldy air as she was asleep and our baby would come out looking like the people from The Hills Have Eyes.
Tip #7: No matter how bad you want to shout at her the line, "F*** you hormones" from Knocked Up... don't.
And this is when I started to take on enemy aircraft on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Boobs: February 17th, 2011
Every man loves boobs, we are infatuated with them from when we are born because it is our food source to when we become an adult because we still use them to satisy a certain hunger. Every male knows at least one thing about women when they get pregnant, their boobs get bigger. But what most of those men do not know is that the boobs are off limits.
Almost immediately I began to notice Ashley's boobs getting bigger, maybe they were just bigger in my head because I had anticipated the growth spurt, but either way I could see them growing. I've never really been a boob guy, I am more of an butt and legs kind of guy, but no fat kid is going to complain about a piece of cake with double layered icing on it!
But what if you were told you could have the cake but you couldn't eat it, you couldn't enjoy it, the only thing you could do was look at it?
Luckily, for me, Ashley got an invite from a friend to a "Tupperware Party." Now for those of you that do not know what I am talking about, a "Tupperware Party" is a girl only party where they have a representative come over with many big briefcases and show off the latest, umm, "fun toys." Now it doesn't matter if anything was bought, the fact of the matter is that after this party I got my cake with double layered icing, and I enjoyed every bit of it!
Tip #6: Tell the mother of your child that she seems stressed and she needs to relax and have fun. Tell her to schedule a "Tupperware Party" with the girls. If she doesn't know what a "Tupperware Party" is, schedule one for her.
And this is when I found out that I was flying over a very dry ocean on my journey to, destination... dad.
Almost immediately I began to notice Ashley's boobs getting bigger, maybe they were just bigger in my head because I had anticipated the growth spurt, but either way I could see them growing. I've never really been a boob guy, I am more of an butt and legs kind of guy, but no fat kid is going to complain about a piece of cake with double layered icing on it!
But what if you were told you could have the cake but you couldn't eat it, you couldn't enjoy it, the only thing you could do was look at it?
Luckily, for me, Ashley got an invite from a friend to a "Tupperware Party." Now for those of you that do not know what I am talking about, a "Tupperware Party" is a girl only party where they have a representative come over with many big briefcases and show off the latest, umm, "fun toys." Now it doesn't matter if anything was bought, the fact of the matter is that after this party I got my cake with double layered icing, and I enjoyed every bit of it!
Tip #6: Tell the mother of your child that she seems stressed and she needs to relax and have fun. Tell her to schedule a "Tupperware Party" with the girls. If she doesn't know what a "Tupperware Party" is, schedule one for her.
And this is when I found out that I was flying over a very dry ocean on my journey to, destination... dad.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Internet: February 10th, 2011
After the visit with the OBGYN Ashley went crazy with researching different things online about pregnancy. It was like she had to wait for the doctor to officially tell her she was pregnant before she could act like a pregnant woman. So everyday, hell more like every hour, I was either being told or being text another fact about being pregnant and mostly what she couldn't eat. After listing off all of the foods she was basically left with bread and butter and sugar water. I told her if she wants to eat that all she needs to do is go to prison, that way we don't have to pay for it. Ashley said she couldn't eat lunch meat, cheese, mayonnaise, or sushi along with a bunch of other retarded foods. I told her I didn't believe all that crap and for her not to believe everything she reads online, but of course Ashley believed it. I told her I guarantee my grandma ate all of that food every night and her kids were fine. I wasn't going to use the my-mom-ate-all-that-food-when-she-was-pregnant-with-me example, because then she could then have had an argument. There are so many bullshit theories and myths now-a-days you can't do anything, everyone is always scared.
Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!
Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.
And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Well just to let you know, I was right. Ashley got it approved by the doctor, after me telling her to do so, that you can eat cheese as long as it is made in the U.S. like cheddar, mozzarella, cream cheese and cottage cheese. She can eat lunch meat as long as it is packaged and not cut at the deli, and she can eat mayonnaise as long as it is bought from the store. Which I'm not sure where else you could get mayonnaise from, we're not Amish we don't make our own mayonnaise. But store bought mayonnaise is ok for her to eat because it goes through processing and anything that could cause food-born illness is destroyed in the process. The sushi one is tricky because not all sushi is raw, most of it is cooked, so it is ok to eat. However a lot of places prepare the raw with the cooked, so unless you trust the place stay away. Three out of four ain't bad, that's better than the odds Meatloaf sang about!
Tip #5: Don't pay your internet bill after visiting the OBGYN.
And this is when I realized how limited the dinner menu was on my journey to, destination... dad.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The OBGYN: February 7th, 2011
This was one of the most awkward moments of my life. Ashley asked me if I would go with her to the OBGYN, and of course me being the awesome man that I am I agreed. I couldn't even tell you what OBGYN stands for if I had a million guesses, I just know that this creepy guy in high school wanted to be one when he grew up, and he was caught looking at naked pregnant women in computer lab when he was supposed to be making a spreadsheet. I guess he had a different definition for the word spreadsheet. So now here I am visualizing the creepy guy from high school as Ashley's doctor. I had played this scenario out well over 100 times in my head and every time the creepy guy from high school walks in the room and shuts the door and after I recognize him we wake up in the bathroom from SAW. So needless to say I didn't sleep at all leading up to this appointment.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
When we are walking into the OBGYN office I am thinking to myself there will be at least one other guy there with his pregnant wife because that is what soon-to-be-dads do, whatever their baby mamma tells them too. I was wrong, I think I was the only guy within 100 yards of that office building, I felt like an outcast, I wish I had Mel Gibson's ability from What Women Want so I knew why all the women kept staring at me. Did they think I was a great guy for being there for Ashley? Or did they think I came to start a Maury show and prove the baby wasn't mine? Then when I sat down in the waiting room they didn't have a Sports Illustrated or ESPN: The Magazine to read, but I had to do something instead of sit there and read all of the posters they have about pregnancy posted on the wall, so I picked up the Cosmopolitan magazine and started reading it, until then I realized now all the women were looking at me and started to categorize me as the gay friend.
Finally they call Ashley's name, as we are walking down the hallway the nurse sends Ashley off to give a urine sample. The nurse directs me to the ultrasound room where she put me in the corner like Baby. She tells me the doctor is going to ask me to stand in a certain place and she points to an area that is far smaller than I am. So I am standing in the corner and Ashley walks in and starts to laugh and asked why I am standing there, I said, "I was given instructions to stand here, and I am already uncomfortable enough being here that I don't want to be that guy who makes everything awkward for everyone else." As we are waiting for the doctor the door starts to open and I felt like it all happened in slow motion because I was waiting for the creep from high school to walk through the door. Everything was playing out just like the dreams, I was stuck in the corner of the room behind the bed and between a surge protector and what I think was gum, so my mobility was already in jeapordy. The door kept opening slowly just like on TV when you see a shot of the door continuing to open and then a shot of me with nervousness and curiosity on my face. It happened in such slow motion it was like a celebrity was going to surprise us and make a guest appearance for the ultrasound. Thank God a woman walked in! She performed the ultrasound and we got to hear our TBD baby's heartbeat. The doctor told us that Ashley was already six weeks and one day pregnant and her due date would be on October 2nd, 2011.
Tip #4: When agreeing to go to the OBGYN, remember that no matter what happens to you it is definitely a win-win for her.
And this when I found out when I would actually land from my journey to, destination... dad.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Test: January 29th, 2011
Ashley had already taken the test once, maybe a couple weeks before, and it was negative. So we just assumed it wasn't meant to be, we were a little depressed but I guess the time just wasn't right. But during this week, Ashley kept saying she didn't feel right, she had some stomach pain and would get random headaches. So the night of January 28th she told me that she was going to take the test in the morning, I said, "Ok. Whatever you want to do, you already took one and it was negative, why would it change now?"
Now before we get to the next morning let me give you a little background on myself. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes more, and I am a full time student at Old Dominion University. This is my 6th year and I am finally graduating, so you can call me a super duper senior. Each week my two scheduled days off are Tuesday and Thursday where I am in class from 10am to 9pm. So really I do not have a day off and I never get to sleep in. I work in the hotel business and January/February is not exactly the most popular travel months, so my hours had just been cut down to 32 a week. So this Saturday morning that she plans to take this test is my first day to sleep in for the past couple of months.
Now back to the next morning. Ashley decides she is going to wake up at 8am and go to the bathroom. She kind of woke me up when she got out of bed but I just fell back asleep. She comes back out of the bathroom and just sits next to me on the bed and is staring at me. Now here I am asleep and I open my eyes to her staring at me with a grin on her face. I look at her and say, "It's 8am what the hell are you so happy about." she says, "It's positive." and I reply, "And I'm positive that if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna push you off the bed... wait, what is positive?" I had forgot all about the test she was going to take, I was just trying to sleep in for once. When I finally realized what she was talking about I looked at her and grinned and said, "Are you serious? Because I swear to God if you are just joking I will again push you off the bed." Of course she was telling the truth, we hugged and cherished that moment, I was really surprised I didn't cry. I then looked at her and said, "Now what?"
Tip #3: Remember everything!
And this is when I realized that the plane left without me on my journey to, destination... dad.
Now before we get to the next morning let me give you a little background on myself. I work 40 hours a week, sometimes more, and I am a full time student at Old Dominion University. This is my 6th year and I am finally graduating, so you can call me a super duper senior. Each week my two scheduled days off are Tuesday and Thursday where I am in class from 10am to 9pm. So really I do not have a day off and I never get to sleep in. I work in the hotel business and January/February is not exactly the most popular travel months, so my hours had just been cut down to 32 a week. So this Saturday morning that she plans to take this test is my first day to sleep in for the past couple of months.
Now back to the next morning. Ashley decides she is going to wake up at 8am and go to the bathroom. She kind of woke me up when she got out of bed but I just fell back asleep. She comes back out of the bathroom and just sits next to me on the bed and is staring at me. Now here I am asleep and I open my eyes to her staring at me with a grin on her face. I look at her and say, "It's 8am what the hell are you so happy about." she says, "It's positive." and I reply, "And I'm positive that if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna push you off the bed... wait, what is positive?" I had forgot all about the test she was going to take, I was just trying to sleep in for once. When I finally realized what she was talking about I looked at her and grinned and said, "Are you serious? Because I swear to God if you are just joking I will again push you off the bed." Of course she was telling the truth, we hugged and cherished that moment, I was really surprised I didn't cry. I then looked at her and said, "Now what?"
Tip #3: Remember everything!
And this is when I realized that the plane left without me on my journey to, destination... dad.
The Deed: December 26th, 2011
This is the morning our little TBD baby was conceived. Of course we didn't know this at the time, we found this out at our first visit to the OBGYN, which will be covered in a later post. Ashley and I didn't detect her ovulation or download any apps, we just winged it. We took the man's mentality and decided to build without using any instructions, glad we didn't have any left over parts. We agreed that we would keep trying until the beginning of the new year and if it happens then it is meant to be. Ashley and I woke up the day after Christmas to what ended up being more than 12 inches of snow fall. I know God made this winter storm so we could have our TBD baby, there is no other explanation, it never snows like that in Virginia. If we would have had Virginia's normal weather of 40 degrees yesterday and 80 degrees today, then Ashley and I would have went to work as normal, we wouldn't have gotten bored that morning, and who knows if we would be having this baby. Who knows if you would be reading this blog! So thank God my little swimmers were feeling like Michael Phelps at the 2008 Summer Olympics. I knew I ate 5,000 calories on Christmas day for a reason.
Tip #2: If you get lucky one morning when you were not supposed too, and a natural phenomenon is the reason, it is not luck.
And this is when I actually started my journey to, destination... dad.
Tip #2: If you get lucky one morning when you were not supposed too, and a natural phenomenon is the reason, it is not luck.
And this is when I actually started my journey to, destination... dad.
The Agreement: December 16th, 2010
When Ashley and I decided to try for a baby I had some stipulations she had to agree with before I would agree. I am a huge sports fan and played many sports while growing up, so of course I want a son. I think that is every heterosexual man’s wish when trying for a baby. I never made it to the professional level in any sport, hell I didn’t even make it to the college level, but hopefully my son can make it further than I did in whatever sport he decides as long as it doesn’t involve wearing a leotard or figure skates. But on the other hand I want a girl because I helped raise my niece and I know exactly what I am doing when it comes to a girl. So in a nutshell, I want one of each. So I told Ashley that after we have two kids, if they are the same gender then we will have a third. She was hesitant at first but then she agreed. She might have just agreed to it so I would agree to trying for a baby when she is really thinking, “This dumbass doesn’t know that I have control as to whether we have a kid or not.
Tip #1: If she wants to have a baby and you are telling her now is not the right time, but eventually you do decide you want one, and there is something you want. Use this agreement to try for a baby as the bargaining chip. I used it for something far down the road that I want to make sure happens, but you could use it for the new Madden game coming out if you want.
And this is when I planned to set off on my journey to, destination… dad.
The Beginning: February 20th, 2010
My name is Rickey and I am engaged to a beautiful woman named Ashley. We worked with each other at a hotel for a couple of years and we absolutely hated each other. Now when I say hate I don't mean the 4th-grade-don't-touch-me-because-you-have-cuties hate, I mean the Ashton-Kutcher-and-Cameron-Diaz-in-What-Happens-in-Vegas-I-want-to-ruin-your-life hate. Little did we both know that it would turn out like the movie and we would fall in love. Ashley and I were on the fast track of love, we moved in with each other after three months of dating, we got a puppy together after four months, I proposed to her after 11 months, and we are now planning on getting married after two years. Oh, and we decided to have a baby after 10 months.
I believe Ashley and I are further along in our relatonship than the actual count of days we have been dating. After knowing someone for so long, and then starting to date them, you automatically jump into the relationship with what feels like years together already under your belt.
I believe Ashley and I are further along in our relatonship than the actual count of days we have been dating. After knowing someone for so long, and then starting to date them, you automatically jump into the relationship with what feels like years together already under your belt.
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